Monthly Archives: September 2006

Atonement=Reconcilation


Again, a great post from Tyler entitled “And What is it We Should Hope For”. The gift of Atonement and Restoration, we Catholics call “Reconciliation”; and when I was a kid, it was known simply as “Confession”. I can’t describe to you the moment I realized that God loves me, despite all sins committed, impurities and quirks. He loves me for no reason other than the fact that I exist. I need to do nothing to gain His love. Wow, it overwhelms me.

I keep trying to be like Christ and I still disappoint myself every time I fall short of acting as He would have. My confessor keeps telling me that we are human, therefore we can never attain, what I will call, the “highest level of being like Christ”. Though I claim for myself a little more peace every time I confess, my shortcomings will forever nag at me. Ha! It’s okay, I’m only human. In truth, I am too opinionated at times for my own good. As a matter of fact, it does me no good whatsoever. I am in the habit of learning my lessons only after I make a fool of my self-righteous self. I guess I can count myself lucky that I can learn my spiritual lessons at all. This is where I wish that I were more like the Drake. He can truly see Jesus in everyone.

I learned a long time ago that we are all the vessels of God whether we want to be or not. We, in our brokenness (borrowed from Henri Nouwen) have a role to play during our every daily experience. I came to learn that whatever pain I’ve endured, HAD to be experienced exactly as I experienced it . As a result, I have my own unique perspective about that given pain… and someone can and will relate to i t. I must carry this forward, with me always, in a positive way and not hesitate to draw out and share each experience in order to help someone else who shares the same kind of pain.

We ALL must be willing vessels of God. I believe that it’s part of our general calling. Someone in pain best responds to the words of someone who shares that same pain. This is how our deepest pain transforms into a precious gift, given to us by God. The pitfalls and tragedies of life seen in this light can be weathered more easily and without a “victim” mentality. However, we must walk through the pain to fully experience and understand it, in order to use it to help someone through their pain.

“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents, and I lay both of them at His feet.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

I love this quote. I was going to close with it, but before I do, I want to add that when I read this I realize that even my failures are loved by God; and that is because even they have a place in the grand scheme of things. See how useful we can be, and how very much we do matter in this earthly life.

More on a Mother’s Love


I just can’t get that other post out of my mind today, tylerpaul.wordpress.com I really love his writing style.

I thought of it today when Gabriel got on my last nerve… well almost the last. Earlier he knocked over my cold coffee all over him and the rug. That I handled pretty well. Then, while I was feeding him dinner, he insisted on trying to eat his soup with his fingers. I found myself taking a very deep breath, then I had a fleeting thought, “is this what I’ve come down to?” Then I thought of the post and of the sacrafice referred to. Pure love. It doesn’t seem like a sacrafice when it’s done with pure, unconditional love. I have a feeling that I will be thinking about these beautiful thoughts for a long time to come, hoping that when my son grows up, he will still have access to this blog. Yeah, I think I am also going to keep a written journal for his sake. I’ve got some other writings set aside for him, so this will be added to it.

The Drake just got home, so I’ll have to cut it short for now, but I plan on expanding on my thoughts here soon.

12:12am

Right now, I can’t think of anything significant; but I look at my kid and wonder at the miracle that he is. I give thanks to God every day for trusting me with a life…. this life. So precious.

Yeah, sacrafice. Sometimes I feel isolated, but I do not regret giving up a personal life for Gabriel. That is the most amazing realization since I always loved my “me time”. Sitting in a nice deep chair with a cup of coffee or hot chocolate and always a book. Or, I was writing, or drawing, or doing crafts, or something. I had ALWAYS made time for me. Now, I still make time for me, but it’s harder to come by. It’s okay. Now, I jump on the computer when my kid slips into a nap. I’ll squeeze in a little knitting after parking at the park, after literally driving Gabriel to sleep. I get decent times alone, too. Like yesterday, we went to my sisters’ house and left him in her care whilst I went grocery shopping at her local A&P (I get my jollies from coupons). Then there was the Sunday that I left Gabe and Eddie alone for the afternoon while I attended Knit Out 2006 in NYC. It was great, but I spent the majority of the time traveling via subway…. still it was great. This was something that I wanted to do for 2 years now. But mostly, I love just sitting by a breezy window and either read or knit.

This is how my life is evolving, and it’s okay. Did I mention that I am an old new mommie? Must have. The best thing about it is that I have had my chance to selfishly live for me. Now, I willingly turn myself over to a life of, dare I say it, responsibility! As a matter of fact, I spent 43 years living for myself and I consider myself blessed for that opportunity, though it was not always a very happy time. But it had to be; I needed to grow and become who I am now before I could be capable of nurturing a little new life. Now I find that I’m still learning, though I still carry fantasies about retiring. I am blessed to have my life experiences behind me. A full arsenal, if you wish to think of it that way… and sometimes I do! I feel blessed that I know I will not hesitate to be open with my son and answer any question he puts to me. I did not have that luxury with my own mother.

Well, getting tired and cock=eyed.

Powerful Post and What Are Trackbacks?


I’ve added a trackback to this post. Not a clue as to when the most appropriate time is to use a trackback OR a pingback (ping). I <sigh> am a newbie on this site and would welcome any advice. I’ve read the FAQ on this and know that they link to another’s blog, but that’s about it.

Anyway, I’ve been reading a blog I found today, “Mormon Hippocrates” and one of the posts really touched me, called, “Because she is my mother”. I commented on his blog that I am a new mommie and as I read this, I cried. This is one heck of a POWERFUL post, delving into the depth of a mother’s love; and the author recognizing and proclaiming that recognition and his love for his mother.

My son is a little sick today, nothing serious. Just a little temp and irritability from 3 shots he got at the dr’s office yesterday. Well, he fell asleep in his high chair; and I started to read this post. I had an overwhelming urge to hold my baby and give him all the love that I could, but didn’t because he was sleeping. Then, the little girl upstairs started crying on the stairs (we can hear almost everything i this house). He woke up and I promptly ran in when he started to really get it going on; and brought him into his bedroom, hoping to get him to sleep in his crib [fat chance]. As I held him in my arms, I thought of the post I just read and knew that I will never forget this post. Of course, I started crying all over again.

Thank you again, Tyler, for your post and I will certainly keep reading your blog.

New Page, Old Mommie Blues and Poopie Problems


Well, little dragon is finally sleeping and I chose to surf some of the blogs here on WordPress. Thanks to schoolgirl777, I’ve decided to add a new page, something that I previously didn’t think was necessary. I will entitle it something witty, but don’t know what yet. I want a place to list quotes that I like and want to preserve. A couple of years ago, I lost two mega files, filled with quotes. Some from famous people and some not. A couple, even, from Drake’s late father… but I’ve yet to ask him to remember as I just thought of doing this.

I took this tonight of Gabriel helping me to clean his tray (and himself) so that I could get him off to bed more quickly…. WHAT A KID!

We went to our first mommie and toddler class today, if you want to call it a class. It was really story-time and crafts which was coloring. This was at the Roselle Park library, just one town over from us. I am hearing that there are others around, too; so we will be checking out all of them. Gabriel really needs interaction-with-other-kids-experience. He had a great time, though he did everything BUT paying attention to the story teller. We were the first ones there, but then two more kids came in and they participated with the songs and coloring, while Gabriel wanted to play with whatever toy they had (see what I mean?) Ah, I was the mommie who could just look on while her kid executed one kiddie faux pax <sp?> (you know what I mean) after an other. To his credit, he only cried once because one of the kids took a car from him and gave it to the other little girl because it was pink and matched her clothes. Gabriel persisted until he got that car back. I guess it really was a big thing for him. Well, this mommie was proud underneath, while she insisted that he give it back. It didn’t last long, and he kept it in the end.

Today this mommie found herself feeling awkward in this kiddie situation. You’ve got to understand that she never envisioned this kind of domestic life for herself. She sought to be cool and wore clothes that express identity. She even has a couple of tattoos! I never envisioned myself singing these kiddie songs OUT IN PUBLIC! I was not prepared for that this morning, but I threw myself into it to further the social development of my little dragon prince. You know, I didn’t know any of the songs, except for, I think, two of them. At home, we sing See Saw, knock at the door, who’s there, grandpa, what do you want, a glass of beer…. and so on. Gabriel loves it, but the storyteller didn’t know it. It’s really the only one I sing with any consistency. I never remember any others. Now, I know the Itsy Bitsy Spider, or remembered it. The other songs I sing to him are church songs that I practice for the choir. Then we went to color and Gabriel just attempted to hold all the crayons at once, but never attempted to color with them, though mommie tried to get it to click with him. We ended up with a half colored apple, but I didn’t save it because it was all me. Got to get that kid some crayons. Then we went to play a while with the toys and books. Gabriel loved this, totally. Next time we go, mommie will wear stretch jeans!

After that, we headed off to just drive so Gabe could fall asleep. We found ourselves in Cranford and went into the thrift shop. Got Gabe tons of stuff for $14.00….. cool. Long sleeved shirts, a set of thermal underwear, feet pjs, and the best… for $3.00 got something called “The Bead Traveler”. Gabe loves a small one that he has for his highchair. This one is a little bigger and more complicated. It is a wooden base, with colored wire tracks that the beads travel on. No loose pieces. There was even a bonus of an even smaller version that will stay in the car for Gabe’s travel entertainment. I should mention that I spilled a boxful of legos because one side was open and I didn’t know it. Picked up what I could, but most fell into the corner, behind the shelf and a piece of furniture. DID the right thing and told the clerk what happened. Nothing bought for the mommie.

Then we took a drive to a very nice park and Gabriel was sleeping by then, so I had a chance to do a little knitting.

Insert [venting] here…

Once home, upon getting out of the car, I caught a waft of dog poopie (being nice). I am so fed up with the dog s–t in front, and around our house. We live with neighbors on top of us and about 20, if not more, dogs on our street. My neighbor upstairs has two, and they are all around us and all up the street, as well. It’s, well, becoming a problem. The Drake keeps stepping in it because it’s never picked up. It’s in front, in the backyard and around the side of the house (which has a child’s swing in the tree). I refuse to let my kid outside to play. It’s such a damn shame. We have a nice backyard that is fenced in, yet I cannot let Gabriel outside. As a matter of fact, I won’t let him off the porch at all because it’s all over the place. Now, to be fare, my neighbor is not the only culprit and we do not have effective fencing in the front. The animals can come and go at will, and they do. All of a sudden, I see other neighbors walking with showy yellow shoprite bags to supposedly pick up the crap, but I never happen to see them come home with anything inside them… always empty bags. To further leveling the playing field, we have two cats that stay outside. They throw up furballs which look like logs of crap on the porch. We know where they “go” and it’s always in the same place… I’ve seen my one cat spraying on fences and cars, but the other one was fixed before he got into that behavior, so he always squats. The irony of this is that the city just put up signs for people to curb their dogs… real funny. This is a dead end street so we NEVER get cops coming up the street; and they will never give anyone a ticket here… and so what if they did? I think it’s like a $20.00 ticket. What a joke! I think these people think that letting their dogs go where they want is okay because they have little foo-foo dogs with s–t that is small-with a big smell! Geez, all the more reason TO pick it up! I could understand it if they had gigantic dogs with gigantic, steaming stools… but this stuff is small, easy to handle, etc…. so annoying. But it’s really getting to me now because I cannot open my windows without smelling this stuff!

Anyway, the Drake just got home, so he’ll want to do his computer stuff.

First Talk



Just wanted to fool around with the video feature. This was an attempt to capture Gabriel “eating”. What I got was him talking, which is just as good, if not better. When I got this digital camera, I thought that taking videos would be too complicated for me. Turns out, it’s very easy… yea! My only limitation is the 16MB memory stick that came with the camera. I am looking to get one with more memory so that we can get longer videos. My nephew, Anthony, just got a reeeally nice camera that replays the videos back very smoothly. I’ve got to see if I can get something like that in the future. Right now, my Sony Cybershot serves me very well.

Just for the record, I am an electronic junkie. I love all the newest toys that are coming out. I am really enamored of the new Chocolate phone. Probably the next best thing to the real thing. I would not get it now, however, because I want to see what kind of bugs it comes with and wait until they work them all out. I just renewed for 2 with Verizon, so I am not about to cancel that out to get a free Chocolate with Cingular.

BTW, I absolutely HATE my new Razor phone. Very, very disappointing. Yes, it’s so cool in it’s thinness, but I find myself changing or cutting off the sound of my ringer when I touch the button on the side when just holding the phone to talk. The ring tones on this phone are very lame and you have no choice other than to upload other ring tones. I never had to do that before. My previous LG phone was much better to operate. Plus the LG phone allowed access to a contacts’ entry if a call did not go through, enabling you to choose another number to try instead of closing out of it, then going back into the contacts list. I find this very annoying, Motorola.

Apparantly, Verizon is finding ways to make more money off us. In addition, Verizon really screwed their customers by offering an inferior phone to begin with. First of all, Verizon Wireless only offered the dark one. Had I known of the pink one, I might have wanted that just to be different. Secondly, and more importantly, the battery charge on this phone lasts for “minutes”, not hours. Very low talk time, very low standby time. I have to confess that I did not do the research on this. I do not use my phone very often, so I did not think that the patheticly short-lived charge would matter very much, but it DOES when you have to charge it almost every night…. then after one call, the charge is almost all gone. To make matters worse, I checked out the Motorola site and if you buy the phone from them, the battery charge lasts MUCH LONGER. I guess you get what you pay for, but I hate that Verizon chose to cut down on the quality of a phone bought through them.

SHAME ON YOU, VERIZON WIRELESS.

This is my baby now!


Gabriel using a fork

Hatchling, Gabriel


Gabriels Ultra Sound

Gabriel has been such an unexpected blessing in our lives. First of all, we didn’t even find out I was with egg until I was almost 7 months along. I experienced no symptoms until a couple of weeks before then; but my lame brain still had no idea. I had two indications… one was that my ankles had started to swell up during the day. Then over night, they went back down to their normal size. I thought nothing of it, just that maybe I was on my feet too much, or that I needed to change my shoes. Then one day, on a Saturday, I experienced something that I ever did before. When I woke up from a nap, I got a chill and it affected my breasts. I was in such pain that I had to tear off my shirt and bra to get a measure of relief. Thank goodness I was home alone! That happened two times and to be honest, I thought that something was wrong; but I thought it might be breast cancer since my mother had it. I was really worried but it didn’t happen again.

Then I started to get pain in my groin and leg. It got so bad that by Jan 17th, 2005, I could not put my weight on my right leg, nor walk without assistance. That day, Eddie was home for the holiday and took me to the emergency room. When I got registered in the ER, the woman said that I should take a pregnancy test which was supposed to be routine since I would probably get an Xray. I was called before I had the chance to give a sample and then later, the nurse hesitated on allowing me to take the test; but must have referred to the doctor because I did take it. I was examined and I assured the dr that I was not pregnant. We were waiting for them to xray my hip when the dr came to us and said, “It’s positive.” Right away I said, “WHAT?” I don’t think that Eddie caught on right away, but he soon did. Instead of an xray, I had an ultra sound done. Right then, we found out that I was 26 weeks along and the baby was a boy. We were in total shock. I will never forget Eddie’s reaction to being told we had a boy. The angle allowed me to see his face even though he was sitting behind a curtain. When the technician said we had a boy, his face lit up in a smile and he snickered to himself!

We left there still in shock, with the first, of many pics, of our child. He was so very clearly visible that there was no denying it. I was immediately put at a high risk because this was what is known as a late pregnancy because we found out late and there was no prior prenatal care. I was at high risk for other reasons, too. I was 44 years old (still am), I am overweight, and my mother had diabetes, which automatically puts me at a risk… pregnancy makes it even more risky, indeed, I did get gestational diabetes. I had to be seen by an OBGYN very soon and start on a prenatal care regimen.

In early Feb, I was put on bed rest because the drs were not satisfied with Gabriel’s growth rate. The idea is that I would put all my energy into growing the baby. Unfortunately, I still had a big drive to the hospital two times a week, plus going to the OB. With the diabetes, I needed to get up from bed 6 times a day to eat something and then again to give myself insulin shots…. so complete bed rest I did not get. We were worrying about our baby from the get go. Everything was running through my/our heads.

Then came the day that my dr said that I should consider having a amniocentesis test to check for chromosomal disorders. I was well past the time that this test should be done and the risk was higher for me to go into preterm labor. Eddie didn’t want to have it done because of the risk. He rationalized that an abortion was not an option and this baby would be loved regardless. I, however, needed to know ahead of time so that I could adjust and prepare for such an outcome. I scheduled the test and I told Ed that we could ask questions and not go through with it, if it came to that. So we went and our dr was so patient with all our questions. He answered them all very directly. The bottom line was that there are some other defects that are not “condusive to life”, which was how he put it. It would dictate to him how aggressively Gabriel and I were treated. That really hit me in the gut; but we both agreed that I should have the test done. After what seemed an eternity, we finally got the word that our baby did not have any chromosomal defects. This was uplifting to us; but the baby was still not growing at a sufficient rate. The one thing that was encouraging was that his head was the normal size for his age, but the rest of his body was not. They were watching my placenta very closely. The placentas of diabetic mothers age too fast, get old too fast; and basically starves the baby. When I found out about this, I knew that this was probably what was going on inside me. It killed me to think that my body was starving my baby; but technically, the placenta is actually from the baby, not the mother. Still, I centralized it to myself.

After one of my bi-weekly visits, our dr said that they will have to take the baby soon, but he didn’t know when. That night I told Ed that he should come with me to my next visit because of what he said. I just had a hunch that it was not going to be much longer, plus Gabriel was to be measured again during my next visit. Sure enough, Gabriel did not gain any weight at all in that past month. Dr Smith said that from today on, we should think of Gabriel as being in a “hostile environment”, and that he was better off out here than being inside.

Gabriel Walter was born March 4, 2005, 9:45pm, 3 lbs. 3 oz., 15 1/2″ long. He was born via C-section. I can tell you that I did not feel anything; but I did feel as if they were rummaging around inside me looking for Gabriel while I was up there on the table.

Gabriel Walter

This pic is Gabriel at 2 days old in the hospital NICU. This was a very emotional time for me. My head was tilted downward, I had my glasses on, and I still could not see my baby, though I could hear his little squeaky cry. They finally brought him over to me so that I could see him. I could not stop crying…. even for a long time after that, every time I went to see him in the NICU, I would stand over him and cry and cry, not able to speak at all. One of the nurses said that she was looking for the day that I could walk in there and just talk to my baby. I was just so overwhelmed by it all… everything happening so fast, and now there was this little baby doing just fine in his isolette. He was so light that when he would move around, he would actually crawl forward on his little bed-like pad they had him on. They called him the “Wild Man” because he was constantly moving around. God was truly with us during those days, and now, too. Though he was so small, Gabriel had no other health issues other than his size and weight. I attempted to breast feed him; but I had to abandon that life long dream. I was expressing my milk for Gabriel and bringing it to him every day as he was in the NICU for 24 days. Then, I had a complication and had to have surgery. It all overwhelmed me too much so, and I made the decision to give up on breastfeeding the day before Gabriel came home, which was Holy Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday that year. What a gift! I felt terrible about making that decision; but I did not have any regrets. I was mentally, physically and emotionally a mess, I was trying to get over the surgery and I realized that I just could not handle breastfeeding. Maybe it would have been different had Gabriel been home and actually feeding from me. I was using a mechanical pump and it just was not the same… plus the circumstances surrounding my surgery made it very difficult and I was in a lot of pain. I could not sit and get comfortable, or relax and these are must haves for expressing your milk. Gabriel did have plenty of breastmilk in our freezer, so he did have a good supply at home before I had to switch to formula.

Despite the breast feeding fiasco, Gabriel is doing great now, at almost 19 months. At last count, he was 23 lbs. and 31″ tall. He is now walking and talking (almost); and he eats anything we give him. He’s got a great appetite! I am so glad to be home with him. There are so many subtle little developmental milestones that I would miss if I was.

Time for sleeping!

To be or not to be ME


Okay, the drake left a comment for me, but he did it while I was still logged in; so it looks as if I wrote it until you get to the end and it’s signed by him. I waited all day to view it and he talked about the fact that I use the word “I” too much in my blog…. and I STILL don’t know if he actually likes it or not…..I need details! Doesn’t it seem unavoidable, though? I mean, I am writing about myself and what I do with myself. It’s a narrative, a journal if you will, about ME, and mine. I will have to toy with this idea; maybe writing a spot without a mention of “I” or “me”.

Hmmm, though he brings up something interesting to think about and I will definitely check out language usage in other blogs. You know, a while back someone I knew did an experiment and eliminated the word “that” from his vocabulary and said that his conclusion was that we really don’t need that word. The Drake always gives me some interesting, off the beaten path tidbit to think about. Thanks, Drakeman.

Dragon or Fossil?


I still have not figured out how to categorize this posts, so for now, everything will be uncategorized. This should not pose a real problem since I will only have 3 posts published at the end of this one.

Today, I will write about how this dragon couple got together; after all, first comes love, THEN comes marriage, T-H-E-N comes the baby carriage– right? Well, I guess we all have our opinions; but this being my second marriage, I can vouch for this to be a necessity of a successful, happy one. Anything else is the equivelent of a business arrangement. I am not going to go off right now and spout off more of my position on this, but trust me, this marriage transcends my last one in such a way as I never thought would ever be possible.

I was actually interested in someone else at the time of our meeting. Me and this other person really hit it off. He was very funny, with a devilish wit and I adored it. There were two problems, though. He lived too far away from me for a relationship between us to ever get off the ground. Another problem is that he showed no signs of a desire to settle down with a stable job. He wanted a woman, but I felt that without a stable job, he lacked a committment frame of mind. Was that fair of me? I don’t know, but it was a red flag that annoyed me all during our on again, off again long distance “accquaintance.” I did go down to meet him one Sunday. We hit it off, I hit it off with his friends… it felt so good. When I left, he couldn’t even bring himself to kiss me good bye; that is how shy he was. Well, anyway a few years had passed between that meeting and tons of emails and IM’s. He never invited me back.

Then, we picked up again with our IM’s and he invited me down for the weekend. He was going to cook a gourmet meal for me and we were probably going to realize some of the things we were talking about during those in between years. I was really looking forward to it. Then I get this email from someone from out of the blue (the drake). Apparantly, my profile was still up on Yahoo Personals (this was when it was still free) and he responded. He lived in NJ and I lived in NY. Why was this guy writing to someone out of state? He indicated that he was serious-minded, was looking to settle down, didn’t like the bar scene, yada yada yada. The same hype you always hear, yet it was the same hype that I, myself, subscribed to. We exchanged pictures, then talked on the telephone. Oh, I’ve got to say that the minute I saw his pic I was taken aback/disappointed because he looked a LOT older than he said that he was. Through the years of meeting people from the internet, I never had a truly bad experience; but I did meet someone who obviously lied about their age and I had a horrible time. I made it a rule for myself that if I agreed to meet someone, that I would at least follow through with that, unless I got a really bad vibe. Heck the drake and I both liked the same things.

We both love museums. I had never been to the Museum of Natural History in NYC, though I live in Brooklyn, so we agreed to meet there. I am not familiar with that area, so I ended up being NOT in the place that I said I was going to be and I was scrambling to find the main entrance. I was just running up the stairs from the subway and happened to glance at the first person I saw, of dozens, that were scurrying to and fro; and I immediately recognized him. My first thought was that I was going to follow him from behind to sort of spy on him before I met him; but he bushwacked me by recognizing me t0o and made a bee line right to me! He asked me if it were me and I said yes, so we walked, rather hurriedly to the museum. He said that he wanted to renew his membership before we went in, so we went into another entrance. He immediately impressed me. I heard him requesting a family membership. I had a “feeling” but shooed it away because I knew that he has a big family. Then the next thing I know, he is giving ME the secondary card. I didn’t know what to say and was declining it, but in the end I took it because I didn’t want to make a “scene” over it.

We went inside and spent literally the whole day there looking at exhibits and stopping to talk. Now the drake is a REAL walker. He will walk anywhere that time and weather permits and maybe that is even a stretch. I love to walk, too, but my feet have problems and I am prohibited from doing that kind of walking any more. On one of our stops to talk, we had a real, deep, revealing conversation. I knew from then on that his guy was serious about getting serious. That kind of openess could only come out of trust; or the willingness to risk trusting… and he was willing to trust ME, a stranger. That REALLY impressed me. When we were done with the museum, we returned to the subway. He insisted on taking me home…. to Brooklyn! Wow, score another point for the Jersey Guy!

On the train heading down there, I was staring at my feet, trying to make conversation and mentioned that I needed to get a pair of sneakers. He immediately wanted to make a detour to a store he knew so that he could buy me $100.00 sneakers. Boy, this guy was on a roll; but I was flabbergasted! Not too many people could do that to me. I flat out refused to accept that kind of gift from him. I was never one to be comfortable accepting gifts or favors from anyone. I’ve needed to practice my therapy, which is to force myself to accept offerings from people. Does that sound weird? I know it does, but since I read that refusing to let people reach out and do good deeds, is actually keeping them from experiencing the good feelings you get from doing a good deed. I’ve experienced this elation several times and could relate to that rational, so I resolved myself to be more accepting of people wanting to help me out in whatever way… though, I also resolved myself not to take advantage of anyone.

Oh, forgot to mention that his picture did him no justice at all. Remember the old looking pic? As it turned out, it was taken in full sunlight and it just washed away all his coloring and sort of yellowed his skin a LOT. The end result was an uncanny resemblence to Mr. Burns of the Simpsons! No joke! He was wearing a suit and he is tall, thin and thinning out on top… Great bod in jeans, though. Cute booty, too!

Hello, it’s ME!


Wow. I feel as if I am on the cusp of something new and exciting. I am in the process of learning about how to navigate my new wordpress blog and will get back soon with an introduction and regular blogging. I am wondering if there is a way to change the colors of the themes.

%d bloggers like this: