To the mothers out there, I have an idea to throw out at you, and I would love to get input on this. It could be viewed as a bit of a taboo subject; but I think that it’s an innocent one to bring up as my approach is honest and innocent enough. Does everyone agree that the connection forged between mother and child is a sort of love affair? The emotions run deeper than I ever expected they would with my son. Even with my husband it took a long time while getting to know him that I could relax and allow a comfortable connection. With Gabriel, it was instantaneous and earth shattering, therefore in my eyes, even more dramatic than what I have with my husband. That was not bad, and it didn’t diminish in any way what I have with the Drake. Maybe it was the fact that he was a preemie, so frail looking, so vulnerable. Maybe it was the shock of my “short” pregnancy and trying to accept and adjust to being a mother; or maybe it was my hormones; but whatever it was, it was immediate and OUT OF MY CONTROL.
I first noticed this around a year ago, Gabriel was approx 9-10 months old. While playing with him, I showered him with affection, you know, little kisses and such. Well, I noticed that I was planting little kisses on his face and head. There was nothing wrong with that, but I realized they the same little kisses I like to give the Drake. Am I giving affection to my baby in the only way I know how, and that way being, the same way I show affection to my husband? Am I getting too sexual with my infant son? Am I mothering my husband? Am I the only nut out there to question this?
Well, I know that I am definitely NOT being sexual with my son; but it made me question the extent of my personal “Affection Vocabulary”. I suspect that my ‘vocabulary’ is not very extensive and I am showing affection to my son the only way I know how. It’s the feelings behind the actions and where those actions are leading that defines the motives.
We females are the nurturers. It’s a need that we all manifest in some form or another. We are probably mothering our men without realizing it. Hey, isn’t that what they want to begin with? I think so. Deep down they do. Not to say that is “all” they want! When Gabriel and I lock eyes, emotions go deep. I feel as one who is losing control and watching it happen, actually conceding as it happens. I imagine, much like the moment a women concedes to intimacy, getting lost in the moment with her man. What is different, however, is that this baby is, just that, a baby, innocent, vulnerable. I must confess that sometimes I view my husband in the same sort of light, and I am entrusted to protect this knowledge I have of his vulnerabilities.
I trust and love my baby unconditionally. Boy, does that expose my own vulnerabilities; and because of that, I am forever aware of my baby’s trust in me. I pray that I never betray this unabashed trust. We mothers are so fortuneate to be witness to one of the teachings of Jesus. Matthew 18 : 1-10 (as copied from Bibleresources.org)
“About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” 2 Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.
5 “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf[a] is welcoming me. 6But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.
7 “What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting. 8 So if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. 9And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.[b]
10 “Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.””
Well, I hope that I’ve not gotten too controversial tonight. Please feel free to respond with any comments- as long as they are honest.