Stirring Up the Pot


To the mothers out there, I have an idea to throw out at you, and I would love to get input on this. It could be viewed as a bit of a taboo subject; but I think that it’s an innocent one to bring up as my approach is honest and innocent enough. Does everyone agree that the connection forged between mother and child is a sort of love affair? The emotions run deeper than I ever expected they would with my son. Even with my husband it took a long time while getting to know him that I could relax and allow a comfortable connection. With Gabriel, it was instantaneous and earth shattering, therefore in my eyes, even more dramatic than what I have with my husband. That was not bad, and it didn’t diminish in any way what I have with the Drake. Maybe it was the fact that he was a preemie, so frail looking, so vulnerable. Maybe it was the shock of my “short” pregnancy and trying to accept and adjust to being a mother; or maybe it was my hormones; but whatever it was, it was immediate and OUT OF MY CONTROL.

I first noticed this around a year ago, Gabriel was approx 9-10 months old. While playing with him, I showered him with affection, you know, little kisses and such. Well, I noticed that I was planting little kisses on his face and head. There was nothing wrong with that, but I realized they the same little kisses I like to give the Drake. Am I giving affection to my baby in the only way I know how, and that way being, the same way I show affection to my husband? Am I getting too sexual with my infant son? Am I mothering my husband? Am I the only nut out there to question this?

Well, I know that I am definitely NOT being sexual with my son; but it made me question the extent of my personal “Affection Vocabulary”. I suspect that my ‘vocabulary’ is not very extensive and I am showing affection to my son the only way I know how. It’s the feelings behind the actions and where those actions are leading that defines the motives.

We females are the nurturers. It’s a need that we all manifest in some form or another. We are probably mothering our men without realizing it. Hey, isn’t that what they want to begin with? I think so. Deep down they do. Not to say that is “all” they want! When Gabriel and I lock eyes, emotions go deep. I feel as one who is losing control and watching it happen, actually conceding as it happens. I imagine, much like the moment a women concedes to intimacy, getting lost in the moment with her man. What is different, however, is that this baby is, just that, a baby, innocent, vulnerable. I must confess that sometimes I view my husband in the same sort of light, and I am entrusted to protect this knowledge I have of his vulnerabilities.

I trust and love my baby unconditionally. Boy, does that expose my own vulnerabilities; and because of that, I am forever aware of my baby’s trust in me. I pray that I never betray this unabashed trust. We mothers are so fortuneate to be witness to one of the teachings of Jesus. Matthew 18 : 1-10 (as copied from Bibleresources.org)

“About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?” 2 Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

5 “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf[a] is welcoming me. 6But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.

7 “What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting. 8 So if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. 9And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life with only one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.[b]

10 “Beware that you don’t look down on any of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels are always in the presence of my heavenly Father.””

Well, I hope that I’ve not gotten too controversial tonight. Please feel free to respond with any comments- as long as they are honest.

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About dragonmommie

I am a wife and mother of an amazing eight year old boy. When school starts, I don the hat of “advocate”. This is very new to me and so, like everything else in my life right now, a necessary transition. I can see already that I will be honing my communication skills as well as sharpening my assertiveness. I am married to an amazing man, who, spoils me to no end. Not in a material way... NO I'm wrong. When he can, he does spoil me materially as he is well acquainted with my infatuation and love all electronic gadgets. I am a self professed EGG, “Electronic Gadget Groupie.” The most important way he spoils me is with taking over attending to our son's needs. My eye has always been caught by sparkly things, the beautiful, and the unique.

Posted on Friday, October 13, 2006 ~, in Blogroll, motherhood, Rants/Opinions, Spirituality & Religion, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Thanks for your kind comments! This is exactly what I was getting at with my post “My Affair”. I’m slowly getting to the point where I feel I can pay more attention to my husband, but I am still totally infatuated with my son! Your post has got me thinking about how I’m interacting with my husband differently, am I “mothering” my husband? I think maybe I am a little, which is totally unexpected for me. Thanks so much for a great post.

  2. Hi Meridith…
    I read that post last night, but had to go back because I just skimmed it because I was very tired and had to get to bed. I am not baby crazy, and like you, never was. I do also now understand the total absorption in babies.
    I have never been more aware of how I interact with, both, my baby and my husband. When I am with my baby, I recognize that I have the same love and affection that I have for my husband. When I am with my husband, I realize the same thing, but with the additional thought that I may be mothering my him. BUT! I also see that my husband eats it up… so it’s okay.

  3. I think this poses some interesting questions that definitely aren’t talked about. I think as mothers we are expected to show our kids a certain amount of affection, nurture and love. This means hugging them, kissing them, cuddling them and so forth. As we enter partnerships with another adult, we assuming this is prior to kids, have love, affection and nurture the relationship as opposed to the person. We then have children and as mom’s go through a transition of being a partner and a mom. The affection we give to our kids and our partners while similar is though different. For me anyway. I hug, love and kiss all my kids no matter their age. I think that while the affection to the children and to the partner are similar, they are still identifiable different from another. Yes I think we tend to “mother” our partners and they like it. Of course thinking about this topic makes me wonder if the male partners and fathers perhaps similar thoughts about the affection they give their kids and partners. Hmmm.

  4. Petra…
    Thank you so much for your valuable comments and insight. I agree with what you say and I hope that the article and your comments will reach the eyes of someone who might be wrestling with this same question.

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