… or chip on her shoulder! I have been so upset the past couple of days… for a really silly, stupid reason.

When I should really be counting my blessings, I am being miserable to the Drake. This past Friday he called to say that he had to work overtime and that he had to work today, Sunday, too, on the 2pm-10pm shift. I was getting all ready to get out for the night, PLANNED, mind you; and if that wasn’t enough, I get screwed today, as well. Sunday is the only day that I can truly relax from my role as caretaker to the little drake because big drake more or less takes over… well not really “take over”, but he is here so that I can lock myself away in the bathroom or my room so I can breath and get a little private time without actually leaving the house. Today this was not to be. He is gone now, little drake is down for his nap and I am STILL bothered by it. I am sort of okay, by now, but the fact that I am still thinking about the fact that I am tethered to this house (and LD) shows that something is bothering me.

I was okay up until this morning when my nerves started popping when I realized that, yet again, the mommie’s personal needs are not really important, because if they were, he’d be home and I’d be OUTTA HERE. I can go on to describe how all my opportunities, aside from strictly choir practice, were screwed. Drake has other “things” he does outside the house and that is set in stone for Mondays and Wednesdays and other days sort of come up every so often— like this past Thursday. I was set to get out, when Drake reminded me of his Union Meeting. You know, not for nothing but his union strictly S~U~C~K~S. They have given many benefits the employees used to have back to the company. Yet, some of these men must be making a very nice penny from the very people they are supposed to be representing… as evidenced by a year round tan sported by one of them. I just wonder where this money is really going. They keep offices in one of the worst, most dangerous cities in NJ, oh, but sure, they are not really to blame because my husband is the ONLY one to always show up for these meetings! If that was not bad enough, after all the grieve I gave him over going this week, he comes home to say that even the union officials did not show up for the meeting! Now, they know that my DH always shows up and it bothers me that they did not consider him when they decided to cut out. All I can say is DON’T BUY L’OREAL PRODUCTS. L’Oreal is screwing their union employees left and right. I can’t speak for the salaried people, but I can tell you that they are the least valued over there, yet they actually make the stuff. Don’t let me get into some of the discrimination that I know of that is going on there between salaried and hourly people. If that doesn’t phase you, consider that my husband actually makes the stuff and knows the conditions they are made under. Should I mention that I had to quit my own job because his bosses made him work 12 hour shifts, 5 days a week, plus 8 hours on Saturdays? How could I possibly work anywhere? That schedule is not worth anyone’s time or effort to accommodate. This post is definitely going under “rants”…. Brrrrrr…. Shake it off, girl!

After my little outburst, I’d like to bring to your attention that there is more going on here with me than obviously meets the eye. I feel so powerless. My wants and needs are always the ones being put out to simmer (or burn) on the back burners. My plans, my personal pleasures, whether it be a drive for an hour or shopping (window) or just to get out for a cup of coffee, depends upon my husband’s availability. He’s got time outside of work and the house, and he must attend to that before anything for me and that burns me up… though I realize that it’s essential. Even though, these are commitments, he is still getting time away, person time away from the house to socialize. It didn’t help this week that the little guy was sick with a cold and we couldn’t go anywhere even though the weather has been so very unseasonably mild. The only thing that is helping right now is the darkness that is permeating the day (outside) so that maybe the little guy will take a longer nap.

I must make room to say that I also feel very immature right now for complaining about today because I know that so many of you are living in much worse situations. This entry today will reveal how much of a “human” I really am, with mega human frailties clogging up the works… but then that is what I am, a work in progress. Believe me when I say that today I am really appreciating your blogs specifically because your words bring me back to earth and bring the concept of gratitude back into my face when I need it. If you want to know who I am talking about, check out my blogroll under “Other Mommies”.

Ah, I feel better now… if only I wouldn’t flare up like this, I’d realize that I really love the solitude and quiet… but that is only when LD is napping!