Yep, that’s correct. The ultrasound confirmed that I am not pregnant. They performed a Trans Vaginal Ultrasound. I guess there is not much to say about it… I should have brought my laptop with me yesterday because I went for coffee after and probably would have had lots to say. I’ll try to get it down now, but it’s hard to concentrate and get into the emotions with a rambling baby in my ear all day long.

The technician said that my Dr would have the results in a couple of days… shoot, I had to jump in there and ask if there was a baby in there and was told ‘no’. My first impression was of immense sadness. Somehow I feel that this was my last chance to have one, given the diabetes and my age. Maybe when I get this sugar under control it could be a different story, but I worry about the age thing and growing high risk of numerable possible defects.

My DH seems unconcerned and maybe I should take his lead. His approach to life has always been so simple and always on the money. I wonder, however, if he might be protecting his right to the marriage rites of the bedroom. He has never been one to be irresponsible, but he doesn’t seem to be considering the consequences of getting pregnant…. HA… maybe it’s because I am not getting my period. That is another thing. I need to find out why. On the one hand I am hoping that it’s my changes starting and on the other, I grieve for the babies at my breast that will never be if that is the case. In any case, I won’t get close to him at least until I have the mammogram, which is in another 7 days…. whoa… he’s been without for a few weeks now and the only hint of desire I see is that little smile and twinkle in his eyes when he kisses me goodnite. He’s so good.

So now, I will be focusing on wrestling with this diabetes. I have decided to do it the Atkins way. As it is, my Dr is telling me to avoid carbs, white flour, and anything that is refined and that is basically what Atkins is. Yesterday I followed it pretty well, except at the very end. After my ultrasound, I went to get supplies from the pharmacy for testing my blood sugar, which was around dinner time. I figured that I would be in and out of there because all they had to do was check to see if they had them, then put two boxes of supplies into a bag, then I pay and leave. They checked the inventory when I dropped off the Rx, then was told it would be at least an HOUR because they had a lot of people waiting.. .well, I only saw one person waiting… okay, I know that people are roaming around the store. Well, they made me wait the HOUR… I was on the verge of tears because I was starving by then and afraid that I was going to have some kind of diabetic fit, shakes, or whatever. I really wanted to blow up at the clerk, but didn’t. I am very proud of myself, people! The bad thing is that there was a Wendy’s right next door and I flew in there and got a Frescata ham and swiss sandwich combo and ate all of it. Got a diet soda and only had a few sips of that, but ate all of the fries which is a NO NO.

Just remembered that I was an hour late taking my second reading! Scrambled to the kitchen, took the reading, it was pretty high. As I was writing it down for my Dr, I realized that I took the reading at the wrong time. It was supposed to be 2 hours after lunch, and not breakfast. SO. I had to call Bayer to find out if I could delete that reading because it would screw up the 14 day average number. By the time I got through, I could not delete that one reading, but could delete all readings, which I opted to do because there was only one other reading saved. Okay, so now I must remember to do it later. I will schedule my lunch so that I do my sugar after I put Gabriel down to his nap… which means lunch will be during the 12 o’clock hour.

Remember when you are on a diet, and especially with diabetes, everything is focused on food… what to eat, when to eat. I must eat on a regular schedule… and make sure that I have snacks, which is on a schedule, too. I am really hungry now, but have to wait… but at least my meal is already made. Dinner from last night was chicken breasts cooked in plain tomato soup. What I am a bit concerned about is trying to eat veggies that are low in carbs… I don’t think that is possible. I think that I have to eat lettuce for two weeks before I am able to incorporate other, more interesting veggies. I just “discovered” collard greens! I passed them by every week, but then decided to try them because they have iron in them. I downloaded a couple of recipes and noted that one serving has at least 10 grams of carbs. So while I can have it, half of my carb allowance will be taken. I used 8 grams already for breakfast with cottage cheese and cream for coffee.

I can see that I really need to learn everything I can about carbs, fats (good/bad), and everything inbetween. As you can imagine, I am cramming like for an important test. Books, internet info, food plans, etc. These next two days are really important because these readings will probably guide my dr as to what course of action to take as far as meds or insulin goes. I will be as strict as I can be these two days because I really do not want insulin and if she prescribes it, I will try to get her to allow me to try and control it with diet. Two more weeks or so should not make that much of a difference, especially since I am not pregnant.

I’ve told my sister about this, but not anyone else. I really should tell my brother because he is also high risk. Oh, another good tidbit is that I found out that I can still donate both, whole blood and platelets. I called up the Blood Center of NJ today and got that info. I might hit a drive soon as they are in need of my blood type… but then again platelets are needed, too… we’ll see. Maybe I’ll even wait awhile. It was through my platelet donation that I found out about my sugar; so not only is it saving other lives, but it could save your own in the process!

Gotta run and make a phone call!

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