More like spring cleaning!  Recently, I’ve been somewhere between blog burnout and head fog… or are they the same thing.  Ha.  Interesting.  Not exactly blog burnout because I don’t write  every day, consistently, but I do find myself freezing, clogged somehow.  Even now, my fingers type sporadically and not in the free flowing way I am accustomed to.  Ah, I just don’t have anything to say.  “Anything?”

I just read an article by Suresh Gundappa, at Meditation Photography, called “Blogging-Burnout-a–case-of-your-deep-desire-for-acceptance”, and it really made me step back and think.   Thanks again, Suresh.  While at present, I do not feel pressured to blog, the fact that I’ve not written anything substantial for a while is  bothering me.

I realized that what is bothering me is that I also want to write a private journal on specific topics, as advice my thoughts on subjects that I might bequeath to my son and any other children we may have.  I am not being morbid here, just realistic.  It could happen.  I could leave this world before I am ready; or worse, my husband and I both could be taken away before my son is ready to be on his own.  So, I want to write down all the pearls of wisdom that I have stored up in my head so that my child(ren) will know me after I am gone.  Any ideas for topics to write to my son about?  I’d love to get input here.  This is part of the reason why I’ve put off doing it.  I can’t find a place to start… so PLEASE give me ideas for subjects.  I’d love to hear from you.

I never got to know my mom as well as I should have.  We just never communicated.  My mother, though also a Gemini, was the example for me of what a Gemini of the dark side could be like.  She was so closed mouthed about everything except what she wanted to gloat about.  Towards the end, we took steps at getting to know each other, but it was too little, too late.  Then she was gone so suddenly from my life and I feel as if I am left holding a full bag that I do not have the key to open.  My mother had the mind, but I don’t think she used it the it’s full potential.  When we’d have a discussion, she could not go past what she knew.  Very closed mind.   I know nothing of my family history and that really bothers me.  I have two maternal aunts who live very far away, who are in their nineties.   I do plan on visiting them this summer, so that is good… but will they remember the missing pieces to this puzzle of mine/ours?

Anyway, I just wanted you to know what has been going on with me.  This is not “good bye” and not really a “break”, but I don’t plan on writing unless something significant comes up.  More importantly, I want to be inspired to write; and I will continue to write here.  It’s just that I’ve not been inspired of late.  Maybe if I focus on writing the journal for my progeny, I will get inspired to share something, a bit of memory perhaps, with you… and that will be GREAT.

Also, I don’t want to dwell on complaining either, as this blog has been much more than I expected it would/could be.  I originally thought that it would be a place where I can get my thoughts together… and it HAS; but I also thought it would be the best place to vent and be witty while doing it…. and I HAVE.  LOL… but you know, if all that comes out of me is venting and complaining, THAT is the picture you guys will have of me and take with you.  Well, that is not the big picture of me.

Maybe this blog is changing… like how I had to change my mindset when I got married.  I think I have a pretty good wit, but before the Drake, it was attuned to raunchy, sex, and the bawdy.  When I cleaned myself up, I realized that I didn’t have anything to say and it took me awhile to adjust.  It made me realize that I was depending on this style of humor to project “hipness” to the public and thought I could be more easily accepted by people.  Now, I am striving to re-tune my brainy wit to something more normal, family based, rated G… you know, it’s not so easy!  The fact that I don’t get out much doesn’t help, but it’s okay.  I am learning that I do not need to be funny all the time and that is good, too.  Geez, half all the time I joke around with the Drake, it goes over his head… or maybe he is just too serious of a person to relax enough to catch the joke!  He does have a sense of humor, but sometimes “moi” does not catch it!  Amazing!

So, I see this has become a full blown post.  So you see, I am still here.  Once I start and the juices get flowing, I can’t stop.   Oh, I am still planning on participating with the One Million Blogs for Peace, so that will keep me going; and I’ll also continue to post my HC recipes.  I’ve also been devoting a lot of time to knitting and crochet.  I am in the middle of doing two baby blankets and an appliance cover… will be updating about those on my knitting blog.

Thanks to all of you who have become my online friends!  I am still lurking every day and reading your blogs.  Don’t comment as much as I once did, but I read your thoughts every day.

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