Monthly Archives: June 2007
I’m disappointed. Last night I got rejected to donate platelets because my blood pressure and temperature was too high. I get a headache just as I was going there. I tried to have it done anyway, but they said they couldn’t because the process would aggravate my headache and I certainly didn’t want that since I still had to drive all the way across my county to get back home in thunderstorm weather. But still, I really wanted to do this on my birthday. I can only think that there was a higher reason for this rejection.
I have some thoughts about birthdays in general. Some people really need for their birthdays to be special occasions and especially need their spouses to mark the day in some really special manner. I can honestly say that I don’t need that. That blueberry pie last night was as grand as a special birthday cake… which I can’t/shouldn’t have anyway. But this was not always so with me. As a kid, I couldn’t wait for my day to come and see what presents I would get. Invariably, I always got something that I “needed”, not something that I particularly “wanted”. One year, however, I received a 35mm Canon AE-1 camera, then another year I received a tv set, both from my parents. I actually still have the tv set, though have no idea if it still works since it was new on my 21st birthday.
To get back on the track, I realize that if you are a person who is accustomed to making a big thing out of your birthday every year, the year that comes and goes without the usual fanfare is the year that you start to feel your age. I don’t know, it’s just something that came to me a little while ago. I mean, it’s been a long while since I had a birthday celebration. It really just comes and goes just like any other day, maybe with the addition of personal reflection about my life, my age, mortality, legacy, etc. This year especially, I hardly noticed except when I was driving to my blood appointment and a playful thought sneaked in when the nurse asked me my date of birth. I said the date searching for some form of recognition from the nurse, but she did not flinch, let alone make a comment. But that’s okay. She probably was at the end of a long day.
I kept thinking of my sister who is 11 months younger than I. From May 18th to June 12th, we are the same age. I am guessing that she is relieved now that I am older than she, again, for the 45th time. She is always poking at me to color my hair. Her famous line is, “People who see us together will know by your gray hairs, how old I am.” What a hoot. Now she has a sister, correction: an older sister with an orange streak in the front…. yes, I streaked my hair again with the very same Color Waves kit. I have one more kit to go. This time I think it looks better because I strictly stuck to just the gray streak in the front and one streak underneath, on each side.
Gotta run now as I’ll be taking my funny boy outside. Yesterday he clearly said, “ambulance” . So exciting! He says all syllables very clearly. Not like “helicopter”, where he’s got the number of syllables correct, but says, “hel-hi-ha-ha”. So, in my book he already knows two complicated words! It’s a good thing we live in the city and regularly hear the sirens and helicopters, traffic and police.
Have a great day!
Grace is the Winner of my Start-of-the-Summer-Quiz! Yea for Grace!
She correctly named the author of the quote in my last post, here, to be Marianne Williamson and I did a quick google, because I’m ALLOWED, and found out it’s from her book, “A Return to Love”. Grace mentioned that this piece is usually incorrectly attributed to Nelson Mandela’s inaugural speech; but in reality, He quoted Ms. Williamson. My records are, of course, Wrong, so it’s back to my files to make corrections to my little collection for posterity.
Congratulations, Grace. I just might have the perfect prize for you… but not the shawl, yet. Please send your address to my email address. Oh, as a note, even if I didn’t google it, I would still believe Grace because these are just the type of books she would be reading!
Today is my Birthday and the weather is a little cloudy here, but very cool (so far) without discernable humidity and that is exactly the way I like it. I am waiting for the little one to make his poopies before going out. Normally, I would not wait, but this morning he’s been “meaningfully” standing by the windows and poopies seem to appear, coincidentially, right around the same time…. so we wait. The wait shouldn’t be too long, but he knows that I’m on to him and he’s been running from window to window, then to the back door, which is opened with the screen door locked.
I wish you guys can hear our chimes. I can hear them from anywhere in the house, though they are on the front porch. They are not those little tinkily ones. They are deeper, the sound richer, and they resonate deep inside me. Late at night, I can hear them faintly, but clear as a bell….. okay, it’s 2 hours+ later. Little Drake came in, pressing his diaper saying, “pee pee”. I took one look and it looked darker than usual down there and jumped up to get his diaper changed. It was pudding poopie. Is that a little too graphic for ya? Well, this is what us moms have for subject matter. Gave the baby chocolate pudding two days ago, and well, it revisited today. So funny. He kept calling it “dirt”. Then, my sister called to wish me “Happy Birthday” and stayed on with her for over an hour. Something that doesn’t happen too often because she works, but this is her day off. She was making sausage bread, but apparently, there was no chance that we would be bringing it over for my BD.
Another obstacle to enjoying homemade sausage bread is that I have an appointment tonight to donate platelets. Yeah, I know; but it’s my birthday! Actually, this would be something I very much want to do on my BD. It’s something special… and I get to go out alone. Plus, this just happens to be my Night Out Day. For those of you who do not know, I am a Platelet donor. They call it “Apheresis” and an account of my first donation is here. Today will be my second donation, but not because I haven’t tried. Because of my limited availability, I need to make an appointment well in advance; so this one was made over a month ago. When they called yesterday to confirm the appt, I made my next one, which just happens to fall on DH’s birthday. We will have plenty of time to do something for his day because he gets out of work at 2pm and my appt is not until 7pm. Our birthdays always fall on the same day of the week. How cool is that? Well, I think it is.
I think about our life, our little family unit life. We live a quiet existence from day to day. I note that I’ve settled myself down quite a bit after marrying DH. I look at those around us who are not so lucky and realize that if even any one of us were taken out of the equation, life would be so different and much less happy. I think that my and my baby’s life would be so different if “Daddie” were taken away from us. I would not have the luxury of staying at home and leisurely doing things with my son at a moment’s notice, or not like just staying home to chill out. In that cruel world, I’d have to work full time, with my baby in the hands of a stranger. I don’t even know how I’d be able to do it because my salary has never approached what I’d have to shell out for a caregiver; and NOW after not working for over 2 years what could I possibly make. My disposition would probably be a miserable one, rushing around everywhere, being short with my son or even lashing out at him. HE would be the prime and most vulnerable target to take the hurtful blows of a widowed wife, lashing out in her grief, anger and frustration. This perpetually happy boy would not be so happy any longer.
I definitely could write more graphic about other scenarios looming at the front of my brain, but refuse to because that is not the point right now. Today, above all days, I need to count my blessings. The first one being the birth of Debra Marie Sedita on June 12, 1961 in Brooklyn, NY. I used to think that my life was pointless and could never see where my life was going… or how I could be happy going wherever I was meant to go. Now, I can finally see through the mist, my course steady. I now have the information I need to steer my ship. I know now where I need to go; and for now, it’s raising a toddler boy… and an adult boy (at times!). For the first time in my life I know what I need to do… I need to do whatever it takes to make it possible for my boy to grow into the best man he can possibly be. Wow, that is a tall order! I gain more and more clarity every single day. I need to be supportive and present opportunities, where I can. Mostly, I just need to be true to myself and present that to my son. Be an example. It’s a 24/7 job… but I don’t look at it as being a job, it’s a life, it’s living. I need to teach by example, so focusing on my own life will, in turn, benefit my child. I am forever grateful for my life and what I’ve learned so far. In my short 46 years, I’ve learned so much and need to pass it on.
I shall close today with this beloved quote. Another beauty that has really shaped my life. If anyone knows the author, I would really appreciate if you could enlighten me.
I shall pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do
or any kindness that
I can show to any human being
let me do it now.
Let me not defer or neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.
I found this on 4/28/1999 and it helped change my life. I publish it here in hopes that someone, just like me 8 years ago, will read it and carry it forward.
A quiz. Can anyone tell me who wrote this WITHOUT googling it? I will, of course, publish the correct information in a couple of days.
Having a Great Summer? Today was DH’s first day back to work after a week off. He’s recovering on the sofa from culture shock.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us:
It is in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
I came upon a ton of saved files recently on 3.5 floppys. (not sure of that measurement) Yesterday we were at my brother’s house and he, as it happens, has a floppy “A” drive. This piece was something that helped form who I am today. I wish I knew who wrote it because whoever did, was a person meant to influence my life, whether they knew it or not.
This is why I do not hate my ex.
This is why I can give of myself in love 100%, blindly, but with my eyes open.
This is why I’ve reconciled things with my mom.
This is why I can forgive those who do me harm.
This is why I can be grateful for those horrible experiences.
This is why I can love myself and be grateful for everything that I am. (because I am a teacher, too)
All for the learning experiences that teach us how to grow.
THE STORY OF LIFE
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger),
*but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. *
And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
*Everything happens for a reason. * Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become.
*Even the bad experiences can be learned from. * In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.
*Make every day count. * Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.
*Most importantly*!!!, *if you LOVE someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. *
And learn a lesson in life each day that you live. THAT’S THE STORY OF LIFE