Today is my Birthday and the weather is a little cloudy here, but very cool (so far) without discernable humidity and that is exactly the way I like it. I am waiting for the little one to make his poopies before going out. Normally, I would not wait, but this morning he’s been “meaningfully” standing by the windows and poopies seem to appear, coincidentially, right around the same time…. so we wait. The wait shouldn’t be too long, but he knows that I’m on to him and he’s been running from window to window, then to the back door, which is opened with the screen door locked.
I wish you guys can hear our chimes. I can hear them from anywhere in the house, though they are on the front porch. They are not those little tinkily ones. They are deeper, the sound richer, and they resonate deep inside me. Late at night, I can hear them faintly, but clear as a bell….. okay, it’s 2 hours+ later. Little Drake came in, pressing his diaper saying, “pee pee”. I took one look and it looked darker than usual down there and jumped up to get his diaper changed. It was pudding poopie. Is that a little too graphic for ya? Well, this is what us moms have for subject matter. Gave the baby chocolate pudding two days ago, and well, it revisited today. So funny. He kept calling it “dirt”. Then, my sister called to wish me “Happy Birthday” and stayed on with her for over an hour. Something that doesn’t happen too often because she works, but this is her day off. She was making sausage bread, but apparently, there was no chance that we would be bringing it over for my BD.
Another obstacle to enjoying homemade sausage bread is that I have an appointment tonight to donate platelets. Yeah, I know; but it’s my birthday! Actually, this would be something I very much want to do on my BD. It’s something special… and I get to go out alone. Plus, this just happens to be my Night Out Day. For those of you who do not know, I am a Platelet donor. They call it “Apheresis” and an account of my first donation is here. Today will be my second donation, but not because I haven’t tried. Because of my limited availability, I need to make an appointment well in advance; so this one was made over a month ago. When they called yesterday to confirm the appt, I made my next one, which just happens to fall on DH’s birthday. We will have plenty of time to do something for his day because he gets out of work at 2pm and my appt is not until 7pm. Our birthdays always fall on the same day of the week. How cool is that? Well, I think it is.
I think about our life, our little family unit life. We live a quiet existence from day to day. I note that I’ve settled myself down quite a bit after marrying DH. I look at those around us who are not so lucky and realize that if even any one of us were taken out of the equation, life would be so different and much less happy. I think that my and my baby’s life would be so different if “Daddie” were taken away from us. I would not have the luxury of staying at home and leisurely doing things with my son at a moment’s notice, or not like just staying home to chill out. In that cruel world, I’d have to work full time, with my baby in the hands of a stranger. I don’t even know how I’d be able to do it because my salary has never approached what I’d have to shell out for a caregiver; and NOW after not working for over 2 years what could I possibly make. My disposition would probably be a miserable one, rushing around everywhere, being short with my son or even lashing out at him. HE would be the prime and most vulnerable target to take the hurtful blows of a widowed wife, lashing out in her grief, anger and frustration. This perpetually happy boy would not be so happy any longer.
I definitely could write more graphic about other scenarios looming at the front of my brain, but refuse to because that is not the point right now. Today, above all days, I need to count my blessings. The first one being the birth of Debra Marie Sedita on June 12, 1961 in Brooklyn, NY. I used to think that my life was pointless and could never see where my life was going… or how I could be happy going wherever I was meant to go. Now, I can finally see through the mist, my course steady. I now have the information I need to steer my ship. I know now where I need to go; and for now, it’s raising a toddler boy… and an adult boy (at times!). For the first time in my life I know what I need to do… I need to do whatever it takes to make it possible for my boy to grow into the best man he can possibly be. Wow, that is a tall order! I gain more and more clarity every single day. I need to be supportive and present opportunities, where I can. Mostly, I just need to be true to myself and present that to my son. Be an example. It’s a 24/7 job… but I don’t look at it as being a job, it’s a life, it’s living. I need to teach by example, so focusing on my own life will, in turn, benefit my child. I am forever grateful for my life and what I’ve learned so far. In my short 46 years, I’ve learned so much and need to pass it on.
I shall close today with this beloved quote. Another beauty that has really shaped my life. If anyone knows the author, I would really appreciate if you could enlighten me.
I shall pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do
or any kindness that
I can show to any human being
let me do it now.
Let me not defer or neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.