Today I had to write about something that happens all too frequently around here. Have you ever been in a social situation with your partner, when you glance at them and a “feeling” comes over you too suddenly? I mean in a certain place and situation where there is no chance in hell of doing more than look longingly at them?
This happens to me when we are attending MASS of all things! We are R.Catholic. We go to church, attend mass, receive the Eucharist. It’s supposed to be just you and God, that’s it. Somehow unbidden, I desire to connect with My hubby, the Drake, as all my old readers know him as. So, this post will be my attempt at poking and prodding at this phenomenon and see where it leads…. probably nowhere special because I just can’t seem to concentrate and the moment is over, at least for today. I really should attempt this earlier in the day and not late at night, or sleep deprived.
May I first say that at these times, I feel more tenderness towards my love-guy than at any other time… I mean, ANY other time! So, this wave washes over me right in the middle and when we give the sign of peace, we usually give each other a peck on the lips… which I was really temped, but we were pretty much sitting up front, so wasn’t going to go there… sigh… I felt a rush of longing as if I was watching him from 1000 miles away; yet I was sitting right next to him. I sat there, gazing at him feeling so proud to be his wife. So grateful for him in my life. I know that sounds corny, especially to the young, but I don’t care. Humph… the young. What do they know? They experience feelings, allow themselves to experiment with their bodies, then believe they are experts, “worldly” beings. Let me tell you something. A-G-E has a LOT to do with it. I don’t care if you think you’re an expert by the time you’re twenty-one because of whatever you have done…. you are not. You still have a young, innocent, naive, heart and mind. Age gives you the objectivity to examine your feelings and emotions without getting crazy (in the subjective). Age allows you that third party advantage… well heck, I’m 47, but figure when you get to 50 you’re already the age of two 25 year olds combined.
But you know, there are other times I unexpectedly feel the same way. Almost always when I observe him playing, interacting with our 3 year old boy. I melt all over… I just get the urge to make more of his children. ha… I’m 47 now, so I am trying not to go there while I’m still ovulating. I often wonder when this “change” that women are always talking about will come over ME. For the longest time I believed that I could not have children, now I’m hoping that I won’t get pregnant again. That’s so selfish of me. I really do wish that my little guy could have a brother or sister, but then it always comes back to the age thing… I really don’t want to be an older mother than I already am.
Getting back to getting the hots in church…. wow. If there is a place that discourages that sort of thing with only the air within, I’d like to know about it. But what was that wave really? Was it really the urge to commit a cardinal sin… but it would be with my lawfully wedded husband, so would that make it a cardinal sin… or any sin? I suppose so…. Man, don’t let me lead you to believe that I would actually have sex in church… geez, NO… Don’t forget you are entrapped in my brain, and these are my musings just at the moment.
So. Was it lust, love, tenderness…. bliss? All of the above because that overwhelming feeling of tenderness can definitely lead to lust… and of course, enhances the love… at least for the moment. I sort of get transported into the air… definitely a floating, blissful feeling. I’ll just float on in to lay next to my hubby… wonderful things might happen!