So, things have been mentally and emotionally crazy around here lately.  I am starting to understand some of the powerlessness that goes along with being a mommie.  Needless to say, Little Drake has some issues and I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how to just identity what they are.  So many factors are playing at once and they are not playing very nice.

He’s got hearing loss.  Don’t remember if it’s in one ear or both.  A month ago, I took him to his pediatrician and he found an “impaction”…. meaning he has some wax in there.  A week or so later, I brought him to a specialist to be examined and also to take out the wax.  We go to the specialist and he took wax out of both of his ears, but really, there was not that much there and the doctor said he didn’t think the wax was the cause for the hearing loss.  He also found “subtle” fluid in there and said that the major question was “how chronic” is it.  In other words, he didn’t know how long the fluid was there.  He wanted to wait a month, without medication, to see if it went away by itself.  I didn’t know any better and just went along with the flow.  We just had a follow up visit yesterday and it seems that not only is the fluid still there, but now there’s more and on top of that, it’s infected.  Well, I wanted to scream.  My first thought was, “Hey, if you saw it a month ago and it was not infected, then by what I saw today, that fluid must not have been there very long if it actually can get infected”.  Am I making myself clear?  I know that I’m not a doctor, with medical training, but am I so far off the mark?  It just seems to me that this dr. let my son go home without medication knowing full well that it was possible the he’d come back a month later with an infection.

This is what is making me mad… because now, not only does he need antibiotics, which I try not to give him, but he also needs to take some type of steroid.  My baby being placed on a DRUG… albeit only for two weeks, but the side effects of this helpful drug is “some <?>” hyper aggression.  Exactly what does “some” mean in this case?   I now know how parents feel when there is something really wrong with their babies.  I realize that this is small potatoes, but now my little man will change and not be himself for two weeks…

Ugh… I’m sitting here in a turmoil of thoughts and emotions.  LD has been behaving erratically in school.  We have found out that he also cannot communicate very well.  They say that he does try, but is not where he should be.  He is also hitting his classmates and I’ve heard the teachers, too.  I am beside myself wondering what is causing this behavior.  I am wondering if I’ve not done as much as I could do to teach him the right behavior.  His teacher tells me that she doesn’t think he is being malicious; but that maybe he just doesn’t “know” what is right and wrong.  He often laughs while he is being aggressive.  Again, getting back to trying to identify what exactly is causing this behavior… I wish I knew.  His teacher thinks he cannot process audio directions; which could be caused by the hearing loss, but with the hearing issue still a question, I sit here still in the dark.

The other day he whacked a cactus rain stick on the floor and it cracked open, with all the gravelly bits flying all over the floor.  I was mortified that Gabe broke school property… oh and he also scribbled on the table with a magic marker…. I know, kid stuff… but still.  I want to replace it, but the teachers wanted to see if they could fix it first… I have to check back with them.  He teacher was so good with him… I am the one who failed miserably that day.  All I could do was ask him why he did that… even after we found out that kids his age do NOT understand the concept of “why” and “how”…. so how do you get information from them?  Creativity, that’s how… I’m not good at this.  His teacher was the best. Miss. Tracey.  She simply started to sweep everything up (something I could’ve done) and Gabe was helping her… so nice…. dumb mommie that I am.  A great teaching opportunity steamrolled over by my own embarrassment.

The school wants me to get him to a pediatric neurologist.  The Ear Guy says that going up that avenue at this time might not be necessary, but he’s leaving it to me to decide.  I figure that it can’t hurt at this point.  The more information we can get, the better.  I’m still just so mad at this Ear Guy!  I feel that we wasted a month’s time playing the waiting game with the health and well being of my baby’s hearing.  Did you know that while taking this steroid, Gabe’s immune system is weakened?  He’ll be more prone to infections and sickness.  The label even says to keep him away from people with contagious illness…. oh, GREAT… he only attends public school full time…. oh yeah, he’ll be safe there!

I fret that I was too hard on Gabe for stuff that he could not help.  It seems that I am always jerking him back to reality with, “Pay attention!”  I have to seriously examine how I am talking to this kid.  How much of this due to hearing loss and how much to him just tuning me out… I KNOW he does that!  All I can think about is how apprehensive I am to wash his hair, always worrying about water getting in his ears and causing an infection!  Seriously, if I wash his hair once a week, it’s a lot.  The doctor told me that water getting in his ears from the outside is not the same as the water, on the other side of his ear drum, causing the infection… so there you have it… WASH YOUR KID’S HAIR!

Gotta run… I really can’t think that much anyway.