Monthly Archives: November 2011

Beautiful Disaster

Please raise your hand if you totally suck at working a pattern.  Nobody?  ME… I’m the doof!

While I have finished my girlfriend’s wedding shawl (((original post here))), THE wedding shawl, it’s totally too BIG.  Ugh.  I had an awesome time working on it and maybe that’s what I should be focusing on, but after I gave it a soak and got it on the blocking mat, seems that it’s roughly TWICE the height she wanted.  So, I’m hoping that just blocking for the points on the end will be enough.  It’s laid flat with the ceiling fan going, so I should know by tonight whether it will be a bust or not.  I’m totally not ripping it back a repeat.  If I do that, I’d have to redo the edging, assuming I rip back to the right row.

Sorry about the really unnatural looking pic, but I wanted to make the stitches stand out.  Actually, I’m really please with how it came out…. but it’s just really big…. and I could not pull on it hard enough to make really nice points.  Want to see a thing of beauty?  You can’t see the silver in this, but the yarn is Kraemer’s Sterling Silk and Silver, in Tuxedo colorway, which is really a nice black.  This is real sterling silver inter woven into the yarn.  Unfortunately, because of having problems sourcing the silver for this yarn, Kraemer’s has changed it a bit.  I heard that now they are using artificial metallic fibers for the silver part, but on the up side, the new yarn, itself is supposed to be softer feeling.

It’s settled.  I’m going to HAVE to make another one for me.  Maybe next year.  I’ve got so many projects waiting in the wings… BUT if a wedding pops up in the next couple of years, this will be my shawl.

Okay, I guess that’s enough.  I feel better now…. just hoping Paula still likes it.  If she totally hates it, I get to keep it… weeeeee~!

Little Things Make Me Happy….

…. No, really!

I’m going to get a bit shallow here.  No matter how much of a good, caring, giving, thoughtful, unselfish person we might fancy ourselves to be, there is always a part of us that is vain or snobbish about something in our lives.  For me, that would be face, hair, nails; which is pretty ironic since I hardly ever primp over my appearance and that pic of me to the right was pretty much a fluke.  It was snapped in an effort to capture a moment in my history, which was one of the very few times in my life that I had my hair willingly cut above the shoulders.  When I do put makeup on, I pay careful attention to it’s application.  I fancy myself the accomplished artist using the tools of the trade to enhance my familiar feminine features into a composition of beauty; and even as I do, realize that the beauty part of it has long since vanished into the magical mist of the times past.


So, today I’m going to ramble on and on about nails.  More because this is quite a big thing for me… having polishable nails, that is.

All my life, I’ve been a compulsive nail and skin-around-the-nail biter (thank goodness no pics).  My mom, and later myself, tried all sorts of products, but nothing worked and that pepper stuff was nothing to bite through once I got used to the taste.  So for fifty years, the notion of having nice (and forget about long) nails totally eluded my consciousness.  Oh, I was licensed at one time as a manicurist and trained in the art of applying different types of acrylic nails, but I could never, ever grow my own.  For about  three years I maintained the fake stuff, but gave it up because it’s really not healthy for the nail, itself.  All the “buffing” is really doing is filing away your own nail, actually making it weaker and weaker.  When you first apply acrylic nails, they can stay on for up to three weeks, but then with each successive re-gluing and maintenance, they stay on for shorter and shorter periods of time.  What’s really bad is that when the nail lifts up, a gap is formed where moisture gets in, and if left unattended to, green mold and fungus can grow in there and really mess up your nails.  Nah.  I can’t even bring myself to start a business around it now.  I can’t seem to get myself to promote something that can really mess up a person’s nails, no matter how much I need the money.  Seems silly because no matter what you tell people, they will still want to pay a LOT of money to do this to their nails.  Maybe some day I’ll get over my scruples and start something up.

So, I am almost halfway through my fiftieth year and quite unexpectedly my nails have decided to make their presence known.  Wow.  Despite my above lecture on the evils of acrylic nails, sometimes for an occasion, I’ll give myself a quick nail job.  The easiest and cheapest method is to just go and buy the kit that has whole nail pieces.  You simply measure up nails for each finger, file down to customize, glue into place and you’re all set. Well, I put on a set for our trip to Florida this past August.  We were there a week and I had perfect nails… I was loath to have my FL SIL see my non nailed fingers.  I mean, they were freakishly abnormal, so I faked it.  After our visit, I just let the nails come off by themselves.  A weird thing happened, though.  They just started growing!  Wow!  I have no idea where this will go, but so far, we are here:

Fifty years in the making...

I’m tickled blue!

Which brings me to my love affair with $1.99 nail polish and Midnight Blue #105.  Ho HO~!  Since September I’ve been purchasing a color here and there of Sinful Colors nail polish from my local Walgreen’s.  (pic below)  Notice my color choices are ummm a wee bit unconventional.  Thanks to my knitting buddy, Hillary, who has inspired my old self to wear beautiful, yet non-traditional colors out in the open.  She wears blue on her nails quite a bit and has blue in her hair… Loverly!

Old polish that still looks pretty good.

New polish purchased between August and today.









My fear is that one day, hopefully not soon, one of my new nails will break and then, as is inevitable, all the others will either break away in grief or I’ll bite all of them down again succumbing to my anal compulsions.  It’s happened before. One gets a little chip or break, then I put it into my mouth to juuust even it out, then before you know it, bitten down to the quick and almost simultaneously, the remaining nine follow suit and I’m back where I started.  I’m not going to attempt a deeper probe into my psyche in a bid to analyze the reasoning behind this.

Okay, so I feel that I’ve said enough and have succeeded in sealing the fate of my already shaky reputation, so I’ll stop it here and spare anyone who has managed to get this far. In consolation I offer up the promise of another post coming soon.  I’ve been trying to write down my ideas as they come and one did present itself just yesterday.  I recently won a contest and received my prize and will share more tomorrow…..


Oh… One final thing…

Love Never Fails

1 Corinthians 13

 1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b]but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Whenever I think about or refer to this passage, I simply must include the whole chapter. Every time we hear this reading in church, we only hear From 13:4-6, and maybe 13:13. Everything else is eliminated.  Very sad because there is so much more to hear here that is really important.  The one time I had control over this was when the DH and I got married.  We had the whole reading included and that made us very happy.

I often wonder why we do not get the benefit from this beautiful passage and the only reason I can guess at is that church officials really do think we are sheep and maybe don’t have the brains to grasp and appreciate the full meaning.  Even I, with my limited understanding, understand that if I don’t have love, I have nothing.  I am nothing.  And that does mean that if nobody loves me I have nothing.  It means that if I do not have love within myself to give to others, I have nothing.  Hmm, very interesting.  Love seems to have more weight than even faith, which I find shocking, but there it is:

and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3

Amazing.  I can have the strongest faith in the Lord, but if I do not have love inside myself, love for my neighbors, I am nothing in the eyes of God.  Truly amazing.  I’m going to “amaze” myself out of readers if I keep this up, but the capacity for learning never ceases to amaze me (couldn’t resist that last one).

Anyway, this passage popped up today while I was commenting on another blog.  I was expressing my hope that my son will, later on in life if not sooner, will recognize the love we, his parents, have for him and how much it has influenced every bit of our marriage and our efforts on his behalf to make him a better life.  It’s our hope that no matter what happens, no matter what we do, he will know that everything said, everything done was done out of love.  We hope that our love for him will shine through all the disagreements and arguments, all the times we need to say “no”.  All the times we make him do his homework, do his chores, practice his social skills using the tools he collects along the way.  Well, it’s our desire for him to truly understand what love is. Can he feel it?  Yes.  Are we sure that he knows what it is, or ever will?  The jury is still out on that because we do not fully understand the traits of Autism, in particular his lack of empathy; and we certainly do not know how severe of a lack that is in him.  He can learn, or I should ask:  Can he learn about love just has he learns social skills? How can we, or CAN we differentiate these kind of emotional, age appropriate, milestones?  We hardly know what is age appropriate, let alone what would be age appropriate for an autistic child.

I find myself verbalizing a lot.  My new thing is to constantly ask my little guy to repeat back his understanding of different things, whether it be word definitions or emotions, or anything I get the impression needs work.

8 Love never fails.

But maybe sometimes we fail love.  Thank goodness love is without condition or I’d be a really sad person right now.  I am putting a lot, no all of my eggs in the basket of love.  I’m so afraid of failing my child.  Is this too much of an expectation to place on my love for him?  I am wondering, but even as I do, I know that I have help.  My husband’s love for our son is amazing and in some ways out shines my own.  His perpetual love and consideration is amazing and so matter of fact, as if he’s been doing it all his life, so integrated into his nature… so natural, no questions (or answers) needed.  When I picked this man as my life partner and as the father of my children, I not only picked a keeper, I picked a winner… so unusual for me… lol.  Thank God that for one time in my life, I made a good assessment of the opposite sex.

So where do I go from here?  First and foremost, never give up on love.  Love really does conquer all and this family is living proof.  Second, always trust my judgement , but also DH’s judgement.  He is a very deep person and his motives are not always apparent, and almost never verbalized…. which leads me to the next.  Always ask questions.  I’m always amazed at what I learn.

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