Monthly Archives: January 2012
Wow. I can’t believe that the rush, rush post I put up the other day just to “try out” something on the sidebar when you first publish a post garnered more views than the post I had worked on for a few hours. “Just Playing” is a beautiful poem and is well worth, no worth more than the views it got.
Today, I’m just going to post pictures of my latest nail design. Nothing intricate (yet) but I want to keep it out there so that I can continue to build upon it.
These colors are: 1. Base color: Sinful Colors, Sugar Sugar #839. A pearlized red with just a hint of sparkle inside. Gives complete coverage in 1 coat which makes it a great base coat when you need your base to be pretty much dried before going on to layering. 2. Confetti, Dance Party Pink #017, 3. Sinful Colors, Tokyo Pearl #112, 4. NK, Mystical #021 which is the glitter overcoat on the ring fingers for accent. All nails get a top coat of whatever clear polish I have on hand at the time.
I am really liking this design and what I can do with it. I’d like to place accent a few different things (at different times) on the outside edge of the nail, on top of the white pearl stripe. For Christmas I’d put three red rhinestones and paint green holly leaves, fanning outward. Another option is to place a single large silver rhinestone in the same place, or a pink bow, or just about anything you’d like.
Not the best job because it was rushed, but I’m pleased with it. I can really see that my nails grew crooked which was probably due to my constantly biting at my fingers. I have screwed up nail beds and my nails are actually growing slanted on my second and fourth fingers.
UPDATE 1/21/12: I just noticed that the thin stripe is tinted pinkish, while the true color is a white pearl. I’m pretty sure that I got this effect because I put on the clear top coat a little sooner than I normally would because it was getting late. I wasn’t going for this, but it compliments the design nicely without standing out.
I rushed last night to finish this design because I’ll be busy tonight and we were scheduled to visit my brother’s family. It was to be our “Sedita Christmas”. Well, as it turns out, today we are all sneezing our heads off and the weather is threatening to put a damper on our plans. The right is something close to 2.5 hours long to get there and the weatherman says we’d be driving in snow all day long and when we come back. The first real snow of the season and it has to be TOMORROW. While I’m glad and look forward to it, we are missing my brother’s family. Well, I can console myself thinking that it’s for the best and that our being under the weather didn’t have to be the primary reason for this cancellation AND hopefully next weekend will bring us together at last. LOVE YOU~!
I actually just needed something to post in order to try out something, but this poem has a special place in my heart. I was honored to be chosen to read it to the PTO luncheon gathering at the end of Gabe’s first year of pre-school. It swelled my heart to the point of bursting then, as it still does today.
By Anita Wadley
When I’m a building in the block room,
Please don’t say, “I’m just playing”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play
About balance and shapes.
When I’m getting all dressed up,
Setting the table, caring for the babies,
Don’t get the idea I’m “just playing.”
I may be a mother or a father someday.
When you see me up to my elbows in paint,
Or standing at an easel, or molding and shaping clay,
Please don’t let me hear you say, “He’s just playing”
For you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m expressing myself and being creative.
I may be an artist or an inventor someday.
When you see me sitting in a chair
“Reading” to an imaginary audience,
Please don’t laugh and think I’m, “just playing”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I may be a teacher someday.
When you see me combing the bushes for bugs,
Or packing my pockets with choice things I find,
Don’t pass it off as “just playing.”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I may be a scientist someday.
When you see me engrossed in a puzzle,
Or “plaything” at my school,
Please don’t feel the time is wasted in “play”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m learning to solve problems and concentrate.
I may be in business someday.
When you see me cooking or tasting foods,
Please don’t think that because I enjoy it, it is just “play”
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m learning how my body works.
I may be a doctor, nurse, or athlete someday.
When you ask me what I’ve done at school today,
And I say “I played,”
Please don’t misunderstand me.
For, you see, I’m learning as I play.
I’m learning to be successful in work.
I’m preparing for tomorrow.
Today, I’m a child and my work is play.
After reading this, it’s not one of my more inspiring, funny or crazy missives. In fact, it might just be, well, boring. Sometimes we all go that route. Two things inspired this post. 1. I am taking some time for me today, and 2. This post by Diary of a Mom. First, read that. It’s not long at all and then come back here to read what I do to rejuvenate
Oh, you’re back and caught me rummaging through my bag looking for snacks that aren’t there. I’m sitting in my favorite daytime spot to be in the world. Everyone needs getaway time and most maybe go on vacations; but what about those of us who desperately need that time, yet cannot afford to even take three people to the movies without planning it… and forget about the 3-D ones. We’ve been living on a budget… NO. I can’t say that because living on a budget means that there’s money there to juggle in the first place. Most of my adult life, I’ve lived from paycheck to paycheck and hoped that I had a little something left over for anything extra. Well, I’ve found ways over the years to do that something special for ME, to feel special, to get out of the house, relax, maybe read a book (WAY back before Kindle/tablet times).
Sixteen years ago to be precise, I went through a divorce. An amiable, yet with stormy undertones. I ended up with not much from the marriage except a car to drive me to work. I never had to support myself and, well, I just managed to do that but my living conditions were not what I would have liked, though I must add they were the most interesting times of my life. I made friends and had experiences that stayed with me for the rest of my life. Still, I could not support myself in my own place. I was forced to rent rooms and did home share situations. Not bad, but I had nothing to really call my own. So, there were pros and cons and my family only really saw the cons and acted like I was not living well. I had a roof over my head and that was good enough for me at the time. It was a time when I craved as little responsibility as possible anyway, so it worked out, though it was not, could not be a permanent way of life. I moved from place to place for a few years and that really left me drained and without a sense of belonging anywhere.
This was around the time I first discovered that you could just sit on the floor in Border’s and read a book without being pressured to leave or to either buy or put the book back. The first time I went there, people were sitting on the floor all over the store and I thought this was really cool. Another cool thing was Starbucks. There was one just a few blocks from where I lived, hmm somewhere back in the mid to late nineties. I discovered that I could purchase just one cup of coffee and spend the whole day there, reading (I was not knitting or crocheting then) in the comfiest chair I had ever sit in. The music was not overpowering and did not seep into my reading. I spent cool summer Saturdays there, reading to my hearts’ content.
While I still do enjoy Starbuck’s, it’s so crowded that I do not gravitate to it during the day. The last time I was there waiting for my knitting group, I couldn’t help overhearing two conversations going on simultaneously. The daytime coffee is all for me, however. These are the times I crave peace and quiet, though music is welcome. These days I spend my special time at the Coffee Beanery in Garwood, NJ. The music that is played comes from my childhood and love that it’s played there. Here, again, sometimes I only buy one cup of coffee and stay for a few hours in either a comfy chair or at a table typing, as I am doing now. I did have my lunch here today and my whole lovely experience only cost somewhere around five bucks. Not bad at all, AND I do not have to plan it like you have to plan a vacation. I can do this any day during school hours. I love my husband and he makes it possible for me to be able to go and get out and not worry about a thing, and not worry that I need to be home. I would not have a loving family I get to watch grow every day. I would not have a loving if pleasantly quirky hubby and a beautiful, smart and affectionate little boy. Not least, I would not have the time to sit back, clear my mind and enjoy the memorable moments. We definitely have our challenges, but I would not have it any other way.
Today I sit and think about a future, which was not really possible even just weeks ago. With me, struggling to find a job that I can thrive with, and DH attending school full time… every semester being his last… ha, HA. With DH finally (really) nearing the end of his schooling, I can imagine us moving on to the next stage. With a more stable, predictable schedule, I’ve even started to see myself actually working outside the home, though we need me to do that desperately… now it seems more feasible schedule-wise and I feel that I’m really ready for it, especially if I can enjoy my work. Paying someone for a couple of hours seems more doable than for eight to ten, well, because I can’t see myself making any kind of decent salary and the thorn in my side is that I couldn’t bring myself to fork over my whole salary plus more just to pay for daycare. I mean, I’d rather stay home and once I did stay home, I never wanted to look back. Now, almost seven years later, I find that I would LOVE to go back to work, if only it could be to an employer I respected. You see, my time has always been the most valuable commodity I had that was all my own. It was instilled in me from the time I was a teenager that to be employed meant that you stayed loyal to that employer and never left that company until you retired. That was the ideal. In this day and age I have experienced, what I still feel, as a betrayal by an employer who shall remain nameless who promised our department a whole new space at the home office, after years provided that space, just to months later dissolving the department. Words better to be remained unspoken about what kind of entity that would do something like that. Well, today it is practically a standard in the business world. Not very encouraging. Still, I/we really need me to work and I’m ready for it, grateful for the time I had at home living a life I could experience at my own leisure. Damn, DH is always right, though not 100%. He believes that I need a job to conquer low self esteem. I say that is not right. My time is valuable and I am loath to just give it away to a business that might not be worthy of it, not appreciate my service. Now that I’m finally ready, I find millions of people out here with me and the competition is brutal. Still, while I strive to think positive as friends have so arduously done, I still know it’s hard to find work… really, really tough.
I really have no idea how to close this. Mine is not a story of big Disney vacations, or a weekend respite at some tropical island, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I speak from the position of doing what it takes for me, with limited resources, to take time out for myself and truly feel special, relaxed and “me” if even for just a few hours. There are more options out there which would fit just about anyone’s personality and private needs. This is just me.
I really love this one. Do you think it’s available?
But I just LOVE glitter lately~!
This was a beautiful mani I gave myself for Lisa’s wedding. A deep purple bottom with a lighter, pearlized blue on top, with a light coat of sparkily. Then after a week, I mixed some powdered glitter into clear nail polish and sort of rubbed this on top (which is what you see above.) It was not what I expected but I liked the effect… a matte finish. I mixed yellow and blue and, of course it came out greenish-yellow.
Not really liking this one I did tonight. But I think that’s because I rushed through it. What is amazing about this and provides a ton of possibilities, is that I cut the scotch tape with craft scissors that cut out fancy edges, called “Shapers”. You can find them in any craft store and sometimes they come in sets. These are just what I had on hand. I think I’d like the effect more if I made the top shorter and if I did not use glitter for the overcoat. Maybe it’s the color combination; or maybe I just need time to warm up to it…. who knows. What I do know is that I want to experiment with this, too. Unfortunately, this probably won’t stay on for very long because I’ve been putting dings into this mani all night… and well, now I’m typing with them. We’ll see.
What I’d really like to do is get some nice decals and rhinestones. Come to think of it, I can probably just sift through my costume jewelry/beading stash. There’s bound to be stuff in there…. I need to hire Indiana Jones!
As always, The best part about this, as always, is that THESE ARE MY OWN NAILS…. Woo hoo~!
Okay, keeping it short tonight as I’m headed into bed.
Don’t be afraid. This is just me from this past Halloween and I totally enjoyed making myself up for the day. Now, it sort of fits my feelings. This post will be written as a specific comment for Jess’ post on “Diary of a Mom” blog in which she chronicals her family’s experiences, specifically with autism. I am responding to her post entitled, “I See Myself”, without taking up too much space in her comments, which is kinda inevitable at this point as my middle name is “Tangent” and at least here, I can go as far away as I want… hee hee. I almost did not read it because I’ve been rushing through my delayed morning routine which is to go through my morning emails and community sites I frequent before getting into much needed knitting this week. I read this post and saw myself and had to stop myself to breath. I am forever seeing myself, as she has. I’ve seen myself even before my son was diagnosed, but never knew it to be Autism. I mean, I see myself as being fine. Different, but fine. I grew up in the sixties and if I were diagnosed back then, it might have been for retardation, not autism and my life would most certainly be very different…. I don’t like to think about that. As a matter of fact, I don’t like to think about anything. As far back as I can remember, I could just sit there for hours, just staring off into space without a single thought. I still have these times, but not as much because, I suspect, solely because I have a computer with internet. Games? NO… My vice is just surfing from one site to the next without much thought or concentration. I LOVE information, and that is what I get though I rarely take the time to read each thing through… really. Wow, sort of the same thing except it’s external.
Jess, I know what you’re going through. The difference is that I’ve lived my whole life painfully knowing that I was strange, weird; and it was unexplained. I yearned to be normal, accepted as normal, make friends and be comfortable with them. I was acutely aware that I should look people in the eye, yet never could seem to get my eyes to accept my will. People judged me as being stuck up. Stuck up? I wondered how anyone could think that when I lived without the “things” in my life that I thought were instrumental for that assessment in other people, people I judged…. and it went on and on.
Eventually, I learned to compensate, but I was always criticized, chided by family for not seeking out peers, for being a wallflower, for never “making an appearance” when we had company in the house. I’d spend summers holed up in the basement, pursuing my interests, instead of being outside with the other kids on our block. I had a miserable school experience (I always have to add that in), but then later on, when I started working, I realized that I would meet people that didn’t know me and I could be whoever I wanted to be. I did that, but I soon realized that I’d have to spend time with friends if I wanted to HAVE friends… lol. How was I going to do that if I could not even hold a conversation without stuttering, without running? To this day I absolutely love to entertain gatherings, I find that I have a LOT of things to do in the kitchen, away from the people. It’s my refuge in some ways. I’m comforted by doing, preparing food and serving. This past Christmas, I was almost bodily forced to sit down with my own family.
I can remember one New Year’s Eve party. I was with a bunch of people, most of whom I did know. This was in the late nineties. I can remember not wanting to be the center of attention, I was cringing, I was frantically looking around, I was on the verge of what I can only assume was a melt down. I was shaking with pins and needles exploding into my skin. The irony of this is that I definitely was NOT the center of attention. As a matter of fact, I was not being noticed at all, a fly on the wall, sitting at a table, all alone. Yet, I burst from the room, into a bathroom stall–pretending. I was in my mid thirties and it was this night that, after 5 minutes or so, after the clock struck midnight, I first forced myself out of there to intentionally mingle. I tried to look normal, but felt far from it. I left soon after, but still, this was a good idea, I thought. I could accept and allow myself that social break when I needed it, but after 5 minutes I’d come back to people.
My own flashbacks include my dear hubby from the time our son was born, routinely would almost force me out of the house at least once a week to get out and take time off away from being a mom. He never wakes me up to get our son ready for school. Does he know something even from way back then that I am totally oblivious to? Believe me, he has his own demons, yet he either strives to make life easier for me OR he is merely sticking to his own routine which is so deeply embedded inside him. I like to actively believe the former. Jess, to this day I’ve never made it to the doctor’s office to discuss this possibility and probably won’t for a good long time. Heck, before my son got diagnosed, I thought I would be judged as a hypochondriac. Jess, that took a lot of guts and I’m inspired.
Last year I read “Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s” by John Elder Robison (little did I know that, at will, I would remember and spell his name correctly) I linked to the author’s blog. I don’t like it that Amazon has a monopoly on book links. I’d rather give the reader a little more than just the obvious. I gained a lot of insight into my son and myself from this book; and hopefully, it’s the template for future insights into myself.
Not sure if I should continue so I’ll stop dead in my tracks. It’s been my experience that I will repeat myself over and over, word for word because I wasn’t sure if I had anything more to say, but just felt that I should keep talking… and well, got nowhere for that effort. Oh maybe I got somewhere. I zeroed in to the Weird Zone.
edited to add:
Okay, of course immediately after posting, I decided that I’m not finished talking. There IS more I’d like to say. More about how I’ve adapted and more about the positives. Maybe these ideas belong in separate posts, so this is a good thing……