I do my best thinking in the dark and under the covers of my bed.  Let me just say that this is not quite the best way of getting thoughts down on paper, or into a laptop, OR for that matter into an iPad WordPress app.  So last night I was laying there and going over the last few days in my mind, more closely, my impatience throughout the whole thing.  I’d like to say that I am embarrassed by a lot of what I’ve posted the last few days, and I am, but hey that’s me and I’m a stickler for letting it all hang out.  Not too many people are close to me and even those that are, might not get me, as a whole.  I figure that letting people see my bad spots as well as my good spots will sort of clue them into who I am….. and WHO exactly IS that?  Well, I’m not going to get into every single piece of dirty laundry (and believe me after this storm, there was a LOT of that, literally and figuratively.)   First and formost, I am a human being.  I am flawed beyond belief, just like the rest of you; but I am willing to admit that and willing to examine my flaws and at least acknowledge them.  I am willing to listen to what people have got to say about me.  A major part of my personality is that when emotional, I can flare up hot and intense, but then the fire goes out as fast as it flared up; and for me it’s like it never happened.  I guess that’s nice for other people to know, but maybe it doesn’t make everything alright.  I’m learning that.

These past few days, I spewed out many a rant and today, after four days of restored power, I can say that some of the things I’ve said about our mayor, Mayor Chris Bollwage, in print (and not) I’ve got to apologize for.  I do not know this man personally or have even followed his political career; but I’ve cussed him out many times these past ten days.  That was wrong, judging him in my ignorance was wrong.  I was in pain on several different levels and forced to deal with that during the storm and in it’s aftermath.  Mentally and emotionally, it was a challenge, and I was not a pretty picture.  My life literally was paralyzed because of the lack of power.  I was glued to the radio, trying to conserve battery power at the same time, just trying to get local information, which never really happened.  I never heard anything about this major New Jersey city, Elizabeth and I thought that very strange.  Our local government was giving out information via the internet (facebook), and folks, without power and a smart phone, I had nothing.  I do not have those mobile capabilities, and I suspect that a lot of the residents of Elizabeth was in the same boat.  It wasn’t until later that we realized the library was open in the down town area, then later, other stores offered their wifi and charging capabilities for free.  I was in constant contact with my neighbor across the street and if it wasn’t for her, I’d have no information at all.  I had only purchased my Tracfone, a phone where you pay for your minutes as you go, a scant week before the storm and thank God that Ed (unsolicited) purchased the triple minute phone, with 1200 minutes already on it.  I had a year to use all this, and well, currently I am down to 635 minutes with 392 service days to use them… that’s like half my minutes used in two weeks and that was just keeping in touch with people and getting info because of the storm.  I’m wondering if I should apply for FEMA…. hmmm.  Just kidding.  I’m wondering though, exactly how much FEMA will be doling out to people and if it will really help them get their homes back.

So I guess, I will say here that I will start following the local government.  I want to know what they are doing for our city.  (Especially, I will be following the Elizabeth Boar of Education.  I know for a fact that they are getting away with a LOT)  I vaguely remember the opening of a public pool and that public walkway that was mentioned; but the sad fact is that I would never bring my kid there because I just don’t feel SAFE here, damnit~!  Well, that’s the number one reason.  I heard about it at the end of the summer so I never went there to check it out, but maybe now in the winter, I’ll pop over there just to check out the physicality of the premises.

Guess I’ll stop here and regroup for a better post.  I’m sure that I’ll keep posting until everything I want to say is out.  So much stuff to talk about.  I think I might not get that opportunity until after the inside noise dies down over here and the little guy is thrown tucked into bed.  He’s my angel, but he’s got more energy than any of us know what to do with.