So I wrote a post yesterday on predominately “failing” friendships called, “Everything Has It’s Season.” I want to expand on one thought and it’s something I feel that is another part and should be said.
Once those needs no longer exist, then there is nothing to hold you bound to that person anymore. Some people can accept this and some people can’t.
What I want to say about this statement is that, yes, when a need is not there anymore, there is nothing to bind you to the other person; but what I did not say in my last post is that sometimes we choose to stay in the relationship because there are other things there that we like, love or admire about that person. I’m bringing this up because I had this happen to me when I realized that what had drawn me to a person was not there anymore or maybe never was. I still found things that were endearing and I was hanging on.
He was a man whom I had met and we shared a love for word games, puns, erotic poetry. He was over-the-top hilarious, but super, super intelligent. He was a base player in a raw rock band, hailing from Smithville, NJ. We it it off immediately and I also hit it off with his friends and bandmates. Could you ask for more? He was a giant of a man, but very gentle, honestly, a Gentile Giant. To hug I actually hat to stand a few steps on some stairs and he stood at the bottom. For some reason, though, he never invited me back to see him, and I moved on in real life. Over the internet, though, we continued to keep in touch. He was deliciously bawdy and we had a blast.
To make a long story short, eventually I did come to my senses. The problem was that, in his thirties, or early forties, he had no life goals and was not really working towards settling down. I, however, wanted to settle down. I was tired of not having a place of my own and needed some security. He had a great personality, and could make me laugh like I never laughed before, but he was going nowhere in life other than the wild life of a musician. When my hubby came along, I finally made the decision to move on completely. DH was serious about settling down and I was more than ready at that point to leave my own wild days behind me, so I cut the last string with Blue on Black Man and the rest is history.
A commenter of my last post brought up the point that de-friending people on facebook does not necessarily mean that they don’t want to be friends in real life. I agree with that, and that’s fine. It that were the case, though, I would appreciate that person just letting me know or just keep in touch other ways.
I read a great post today over at Making the Connections Blog called “Where Does the Good Go?” I recommend reading it for a really personal experience of struggling with making the decision to let go of a friendship.
- When You’re Surrounded By People, But You’re More Alone Than Ever (thoughtcatalog.com)
- Writing People Off (emilynolin.com)
- The 50 Best Quotes About Friendship (thoughtcatalog.com)