It’s happening…. IT.  The “it”—> I know for sure that my hair will fall out, and it’s happening as we speak.  I know that I’m going to get emotional as it progresses, so I decided long ago that I was going to shave my head once I was ready, but sometimes you can never be totally ready for something like this.  I posted on facebook that I was going to let my husband shave my head once I was ready; and seriously that day has come.   It came today as I showered.

If you remember in my post, “Good News at Check Up Visit,” my doctor casually mentioned that I would lose my hair this week.  I had wondered what kind of crystal ball he had that could predict this event so precisely.  I guessed that he wanted to convey the certainty of hair loss and I assumed that he was not serious about the timing of it.  Well, just a couple of days after that visit, I saw that first clump of hair in my hairbrush.  It’s been coming out on my brush, a lot more hair than usual and coming out in groups, 10 strands, more, less, at a time.  It comes out so easily, without protest so, SO easily.  This morning as I showered, I spent most of my time picking up hair from the drain cover, the drain cover that my husband habitually pushes to the side every time he gets the chance.  “Thank you wife, for keeping the plumber at bay!”  Cancer is insidious and that’s reflected in the hair loss. Every morning I check my pillow and there is nothing.  Neither is there any hair in the towel when I took it off my head.  Strands just float off my head as I walk and cling to my arms.  Today hair continued to shed after my shower.  Should I just not take showers?  Not on your life, especially in this heat.  

Anyway, after I posted about shaving my head, my SIL responded, “NO.  Don’t let him shave your head! Check this out.”  She sent me that link for “Mondays at Racine” and made an appointment for me for June 26th.  As far as I can tell from scanning the site, beauty salons/spas are participating with the Mondays at Racine program and dedicate Mondays to serve and pamper cancer patients, offering head shaving and various other services, which include but not limited to, hair and scalp services, cosmetics and specialty lash services, manicure and pedicure for natural nails, massage facials, reflexology, restorative yoga, reikki no-touch therapy, and guided meditation.  Not sure if I got all of that, but if this intrigues you, check out the link because there are more details describing every thing I mentioned above, and all free to cancer patients; so they do also accept donations and have fundraising events.

So, I’m wondering how I’ll look with a bald head.  I’m wondering how it will feel, which is silly because hubby always wears his hair buzzed very short and I always feel it when he gets back.  Is it weird for me to say that I am looking forward to this?  I think so, but it’s right.  I feel that I must look for that silver lining in every dark cloud that comes my way.  I am not looking at this as a part of me is dying.  I’m looking at this as a part of me is changing, and that’s a good thing.  This is what I must do to empower myself over something I can’t control, but will not let control me. 

I am planning on changing my whole look from the woman who had her total feminine image locked up inside her very long and luxurious hair, to a bald-headed woman; a total turn around.  I’ll have help, though.  I love dangily earrings so I will wear very large ones.  I love and wear colorful scarves, so now I will wear them on my head in different styles.  Also, and this might be the most controversial, if I lose my eyelashes and eyebrows, I will apply Egyptian-style cosmetics, eye liner and paint on eyebrows.  Maybe I’ll just try to be as natural as possible, but bottom line about the lashes is that false ones need real lashes to sit on top of… pretty sure, or at least real ones there to support the fake lashes allows the application to last longer.

Right at this moment, I am so tired.  Good news, though.  Bill Doyle, one half of the NJ101.5 radio show team, Deminski and Doyle, is also battling cancer and tomorrow, Thursday, he is coming back to work after getting an infection after his 4th chemo treatment.  He was in the hospital for weeks.  You know how you hear or see something one day and it sticks with you?  Then much later, you something happens and you remember?  This is how it is with me.  When Big Bill Doyle started his treatment, he documented it for his listeners and made short videos and invited the public into  a portion of his private life.  I was one and remember that I made it a point to always check up on his progress.  Then just a couple of weeks after, I got diagnosed with my own cancer.  He has been just one of the many inspirational people in my life.  I take something different from each one and through him I first realized this was doable.  I could see with my own eyes him standing in front of the place he got his chemo like he was standing in front of a restaurant.  He was also the one who informed me to bring something to keep myself busy while getting chemo, so I packed a bag full of stuff, but was only able to read.  I remembered to bring my kindle, my whole library to chemo.  I noticed right away when his hands started to shake.

Sorry I’m cutting this off before a decent closing, but I’m really tired and can NOT keep my eyes open.  It’s pretty late anyway, so I’m off to see the Sandman.

Oh, this is a new project on my needles.  I usually have a lot of different projects on my needles or hook and my cancer has absolutely no say about that.  Business as usual.