I’m in the writing mood… which is the only way it happens for me, otherwise I ramble on and on and don’t say anything worthwhile. A quick update on my 2nd Chemo treatment. Blood work came back good which means my body came through and remains healthy. After my 3rd treatment, I will be re-evaluated for “the surgery,” which will be a hysterectomy. They will take out everything associated with my uterus and probably the lymph nodes in my pelvic area… which we know to already be infiltrated by the cancer and to be very frank, I won’t be happy until they do. I am still isolating myself from people and that’s a decision I made when it became a done deal that I was getting chemotherapy. If you remember, the infection-fighting shot costs $5,000. a day and needed the day after each chemo treatment. Seriously, these pharmaceutical companies operate as racketeers!
So, I’ve been seriously stuck getting my thoughts out in a draft started over a week ago; and now I feel compelled to write about something else. I feel overwhelmingly grateful for the people in my life, longtime friends and family right up to people I’ve become friends with in just the last few months. I am wondering how to write this because it’s my tendency to just run through each person and each and every beautiful thing about them but I’m not sure if it would be boring to you guys or not. Also, I don’t want one to appear more important or doing more. It’s not important what they did or how much. ALL have reached out out me in some way and feeling that love is sustaining and just the time given to me for a conversation means a lot. I feel that I need to express to them how grateful I feel to have them in my life.
I am already grateful for my longtime friends and maybe took them for granted because we’ve come to expect love and expressions of love from them. It’s a very blissful feeling comfort zone and, I believe, we all revel in that. I have my Knit/Crochet People, and while we started out as “The Posse,” we have grown into a much larger, interconnected group, that spans several locations and meeting points. We love each other and have each other’s backs. We know that. When I was first diagnosed, I was not talking about it. I felt that I’d be ruining people’s day… and I know that I did… but there is a higher, deeper thing going on. WE ARE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. We literally live to support each other and I’ve never been more aware of that until right now. I did confide in my friend Linda. She has been battling cancer, herself, for a while now, and I felt she would understand. She told me something very important, and that is that it was not my job and maybe not my right to decide for people how they were going to react to the news of my cancer. So, little by little, it got around our group and I was happy to talk about it and they were happy to listen to me.
Okay, so that’s the back story. What has happened since then, is proving to be very overwhelming for me, and leads me to this post. My friends wanted to come see me and forced me to not lift a finger and I wasn’t going to give them a hard time! They brought the food, drinks, snacks, beverages, desserts and paper goods so we didn’t have too much to clean up. One of us didn’t come because she was sick. With us, it’s an all day/night celebration and I love that about us. We laughed and laughed and celebrate each other’s company. My friends even worked out a problem I had on one of my abandoned knitting projects!
So here is where I deviate from my already written post. Yes, as predicted I fell into my thing of itemizing everyone and attaching what they did for me and that doesn’t feel right because this is not about the things that they did, or the material aspect, but it’s about what is behind those things. Also, each person has been there for me in their own special way and I truly find myself nurtured and cared for by everyone I know, as a collective. I left in the paragraph above because that was a group effort and I just wanted to use it as the love behind it is descriptive of everyone. Also, at this gathering, Flat Dawn was present and she deserves a post all to herself. She is a friend of mine who is currently involved in a fierce, relentless war with her Mr. C. She is living her life according to HER agenda and not Mr. C’s. She is my inspiration and a truly amazing woman and I pray for her every day.
Petra is someone else who has shown me some love. She owns a self-help, motivational website that works around subscriptions. She has had a life that qualifies her 1000 times over. She gifted me with a 6-month subscription to her coloring book pages so that I can get into a groove and immerse myself into what I love—ART. This is her website and you might just like to check it out. Something for everyone. The Rebel Incubator.
The very day of Janet coming over with the myriad of earrings, I watched a documentary, “The Secret” about the Law of Attraction. I still haven’t finished it but I started to get the idea that the idea of praying for our needs to God is included somehow in with this idea of visualizing and believing that our wants and needs will manifest into our lives. This is not so alien of a thought to me, but I package it into my own faith and belief in God and what He can do and HAS done for me already. I have been blessed to have actually see God’s hand working in my life and I can’t deny it or overlook, or trivialize it. It’s real for me and tangible, so coming across this movie just served to remind me that God is with me. I can only hope that I have the chance in my life to pass on that love to someone else.
These past few months have been a whirlwind of one surprise after another; but I have to say that if there was only one thing to wish for, it’s been a rekindling of sorts of a relationship with my sister-in-law. She is one of the first people to rally around me and has been supportive to the extreme and I am overwhelmed by her generosity and caring. Our relationship is better and we talk more now than ever and I’m hoping we see more of each other soon.
I feel that I have not expressed myself as fully as I had wanted in the beginning. Time runs out and I must put it down over a period of time and when I come back, my thoughts are not what they were. I start writing with the hope that I’ll come back to where my thoughts were, but no. That’s okay, though, because there’s always the next time. I’d rather end it than go on a tangent and leave you more confused.
Here’s an update. My 3rd Chemo is only a couple of days away, this Thursday, July 13th. I’m feeling good, but it seems that when I get sick, it lasts longer than the time before and we’ll see how that goes, starting on Saturday. Like clockwork. I’ve been wearing a different pair of earrings every day and loving that first-thing-in-the-morning decision.
IMPORTANT TO NOTE:
One thing really important about chemo. You need to prepare for it by making sure you drink LOTS of water and eating LOTS of protein. The water keeps you hydrated and is very important, especially if the chemo is administered through an IV. The protein is really important because it helps boost your immune system and it’s important throughtout the chemo process, but really important in the days before individual treatments.
Will close with a link to a video as I just learned that I cannot share videos and I believe that is a change in WordPress that I’m not crazy about because I used to be able to do it. Now they want money. Although I don’t cover my head in the house, and I hardly go out, I have the desire to wrap my head when I do go out even if just to go to out briefly. Not because I feel awkward or embarrassed about having a bald head. It’s because I love, love LOVE the possibilities to change my look and the vibrant colors. I have a collection of pashminas and other scarves and this is a great way to continue using them in the sweltering summer, lighter materials, of course. The woman in this video is Wrapunzel of the blog “The Wrapunzel Blog” and she also has a Youtube channel. She covers her hair for religious reasons and is sharing that art with the internet. Just found it last night but I love this site already. Here is the link to her Youtube Channel for the Regal Wrap, and it looks very easy to do.
Chemo Brain Lives…..