Category Archives: Inane Mental Discharge

Old Scripts

I was having a conversation with some friends the other day and they were talking about the neediness of a person they knew.  I found myself trying to make excuses for a woman whom I’ve never met.  I found this curious even as my mouth was going.  I recognized myself in the things they were saying about her and felt compelled to explain myself, really, not her.  I was trying to point out that there may be reasons and they said that the woman was always telling them the hard life she lived.  Her need to be acknowledged spilled over their words.  They said that “hard” life was long past for her and that “then was then and now is now.”  It makes sense but when you’re hit with a blast from the past, old buttons can be pushed and you fall right back into that old mold.  Old hurts are resurrected and sometimes with a vengeance.  I understood this woman but I knew they were right.  I felt myself drowning in her pool of obscurity.

Does anyone know or care what goes on behind a person’s private pain?  No.  Should they care?  Well, I guess a person can but when you think of it, no one can do anything about it, or fix it.  They are helpless to do anything other than nod and listen. But who wants to go through that when all it does, if you really care, is make you feel helpless and your friend doesn’t feel better.  It is what it is.  I have no answer for this though I’ve been trying.  I guess when it comes time for my reincarnation (if you believe in that), I’ll either relive the same life or get demoted and live a worse one.  I have a feeling that I’ve been living the same life over and over for centuries.  There’s a locked door somewhere and either I’ve not found it or I don’t have the key.  I don’t know.  I guess I don’t “get” anything.

On Self-Knowledge
 Kahlil Gibran

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.”
Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.” Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

I am THE Sandwich

Daily Prompt: You, the Sandwich

If a restaurant were to name something after you, what would it be?  Describe it.
(Bonus points if you give us a recipe!)

Hmm… Actually, it’s already been out there as a Jahn’s ice cream creation called “The Kitchen Sink,” but I guess I can’t take on someone else’s name.  I remember getting the kitchen sink… but boy, what a waste of money.  It was gigantic and it was all mine.  OMG, really, I had no idea of how big these things were as it was for my First Communion and I was a little kid… I ate every bit of it.  I thought the name, “The Kitchen Sink” was promising an adventure… and it did.

So let’s get serious.  I’m all about the chocolate…


Daily Prompt: Ready Set… GO

Set a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish. 

My first thought was, “yeah, open a can of worms.”  But, I’ll slip past THAT and move on to an accomplishment of last night.  I finally finished knitting the Tappan Zee Cardigan, sweetly called “Tappan ME” on my Ravelry project page.  It’s something that I’m really, really pleased with how it came out.  After blocking, I will do a more detailed post.  Oh.  This is the perfect time to start a pattern that is part of my New Year’s Resolution, which I hardly ever make, but I’ve been planning this pattern for over a year and I even have the yarn required.  It’s called Shipwreck…. Isn’t she pretty?  It requires beads being knitted into it, but I think they don’t come until the middle part.  I can start this, commit myself to it, and have a little time to get the beads.

Another thought is the anticipation of my next crochet group gathering (as we’ve come to call it) in Brooklyn with my Posse.  Yes, I have a posse, people!  We meet once a month, but oooh, the last time I saw most of these ladies was back in October and that wasn’t even with half of our people.  I’m planning on being there this Saturday, though, and will probably drive into Brooklyn early just to cruise around my old neighborhood.  Yep, I’m a Brooklyn girl, born and raised.

Wow.  I’m HUNGRY~!   Need. to. eat.

Daily Prompt: You Asked for it…

Describe your last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to you.

Okay, this doesn’t really answer the question above, but I’m keeping it here.  I suppose, though, that one must learn this as much as any other skill out there… so here goes:

The thing that is very hard for me to do is find a job.  No matter what, no matter when.  I’ve always had a hard time going through the process. I am the proverbial “Jack of all trades, master of none.”   I have tons of experience, but I’ve not been working for almost seven years, not counting a few months working as a part-time cashier at Shoprite.  I have a pretty decent working history, except for those 7 years, and varied experience, got along with everyone, always gave 120%, loyal, a worker, a rule person…. that is to say I never abused breaks and always finished the current task before even thinking about going home.  Wouldn’t you want to hire me?  Sadly folks, these are not desirable traits anymore.  Nobody wants to see these things listed on a resume.  They are now assumed.  A lot of experience and skills are assumed now, like working with computers and programs.  It used to be great to have this kind of experience on a resume, but that was back in the 70’s and 80’s.  Man I feel so freaking old right now.

My first experience with computers was back when I worked for the US Army in the Transportation Department at Fort Hamilton in Brooklyn, NY.   We transported all personal belongings, from freight to contents of whole houses.  I learned computer basics and transferred a whole paper-based file system onto a database and got it to automatically send out various letters to clients.  They offered me the position of supervisor of the “whole” department, but I was the only one in that department because the two other people who trained with me bailed.  Long story, short my ex-husband pressured me to leave there and go to work in the city, Manhattan.  It was the worst decision I made, but then he had made it for me and I suffered for it.  From having job security to going from one job to another because nothing fit right.  Ah, experience, right?

Anyway, over the years I’ve done lots of things and the one I loved the most, and had room for growth was customer service in the billing dept. at a Labcorp call center, but that was THE most stressful job I ever had, and certainly can not do that again.  That was my first experience of feeling betrayed by an employer.  They led us on, talked about a new space being built for us, for years.  Then it finally got built and nine months later, we all got canned.  They dissolved our department and God knows, probably outsourced it to foreign country for all I know.

Anyway, that is part of my problem.  I value myself a lot.  It’s ingrained in me to be loyal to a company, to basically give myself to an employer and do whatever they want me to do for that paycheck.  I mean, no questions asked.  I am the person who ALWAYS has the “why” word hanging off the tip of my lips, otherwise.  My first marriage broke up precisely because I could not follow the whims of my ex without knowing the whys, and without believing in his views.  That upset the man-child and he divorced me.  Well, I was never put into that exact situation professionally, but I’m a company person.  Back in the day, that meant something.  Now, they want your blood.  Companies today do not value their employees at all.  Everyone is indispensable.  One time I got fired because of my weight.  After having the job well over 2 years, I was brought in and was told that my appearance did not convey their image.  I was the receptionist at an office building, but not in the lobby… WAY back out of public view.  The parent company was a PARKING LOT/GARAGE company.  I wish I had the balls I have now, but back then.  Instead, I was crushed and vaporized out of that office after leaving a flood of tears all over the desk.  <spit>

I am finding it really hard to put myself out there now.  Not because of my body weight but because I don’t want to give my valuable time to just anyone.  They have to deserve me, you know?  I just don’t believe I’ll find a good situation where I’ll be valued.  I guess that’s it right there.  Of course, I still will need to find a job, and the best paying one with benefits that I can…. but it’s making me cry inside.  What am I going to have to do to get something?  Oh, my friends try to help and they send me job opportunities they see around, but mostly, I need medical benefits and, well, good money.  I also need to work around DH’s work schedule… well, that’s when he gets one.

Something else, is that I need a local job.  I need to be available for my child and need to be home for him after school.  Living in Elizabeth, NJ does not help that one bit.  First and foremost, I have two strikes against me before I even fling myself into the game.  I am not bilingual. and I need to be home well before a normal job would let their people out.  Also, maybe the third strike is that I would need to leave by a certain time, without the option of staying later if needed.  Oh how they love to keep you working past quitting time.

Oh shit.  I’m quite aware that this should not be my mental state while trying to woo a prospective employer, but this is what it is.  Personally, I would love to find a great situation, contributing my talents, skills and creativity to getting a job done.   I love that I just wrote quite a few paragraphs about why I shouldn’t “apply” myself… HA.  I have a lot of fear of the unknown.  Fear that I’m not good enough anymore.  Fear that I was never any good and maybe I was deluding myself and exaggerating my value.  Oh my God.  Yeah, I should just trust in Him to get me a  job…. a Good one.

So yeah.  The hardest thing I ever had to do, and I don’t do it nearly as well as I should is finding a job.

Stormy Reflections

I do my best thinking in the dark and under the covers of my bed.  Let me just say that this is not quite the best way of getting thoughts down on paper, or into a laptop, OR for that matter into an iPad WordPress app.  So last night I was laying there and going over the last few days in my mind, more closely, my impatience throughout the whole thing.  I’d like to say that I am embarrassed by a lot of what I’ve posted the last few days, and I am, but hey that’s me and I’m a stickler for letting it all hang out.  Not too many people are close to me and even those that are, might not get me, as a whole.  I figure that letting people see my bad spots as well as my good spots will sort of clue them into who I am….. and WHO exactly IS that?  Well, I’m not going to get into every single piece of dirty laundry (and believe me after this storm, there was a LOT of that, literally and figuratively.)   First and formost, I am a human being.  I am flawed beyond belief, just like the rest of you; but I am willing to admit that and willing to examine my flaws and at least acknowledge them.  I am willing to listen to what people have got to say about me.  A major part of my personality is that when emotional, I can flare up hot and intense, but then the fire goes out as fast as it flared up; and for me it’s like it never happened.  I guess that’s nice for other people to know, but maybe it doesn’t make everything alright.  I’m learning that.

These past few days, I spewed out many a rant and today, after four days of restored power, I can say that some of the things I’ve said about our mayor, Mayor Chris Bollwage, in print (and not) I’ve got to apologize for.  I do not know this man personally or have even followed his political career; but I’ve cussed him out many times these past ten days.  That was wrong, judging him in my ignorance was wrong.  I was in pain on several different levels and forced to deal with that during the storm and in it’s aftermath.  Mentally and emotionally, it was a challenge, and I was not a pretty picture.  My life literally was paralyzed because of the lack of power.  I was glued to the radio, trying to conserve battery power at the same time, just trying to get local information, which never really happened.  I never heard anything about this major New Jersey city, Elizabeth and I thought that very strange.  Our local government was giving out information via the internet (facebook), and folks, without power and a smart phone, I had nothing.  I do not have those mobile capabilities, and I suspect that a lot of the residents of Elizabeth was in the same boat.  It wasn’t until later that we realized the library was open in the down town area, then later, other stores offered their wifi and charging capabilities for free.  I was in constant contact with my neighbor across the street and if it wasn’t for her, I’d have no information at all.  I had only purchased my Tracfone, a phone where you pay for your minutes as you go, a scant week before the storm and thank God that Ed (unsolicited) purchased the triple minute phone, with 1200 minutes already on it.  I had a year to use all this, and well, currently I am down to 635 minutes with 392 service days to use them… that’s like half my minutes used in two weeks and that was just keeping in touch with people and getting info because of the storm.  I’m wondering if I should apply for FEMA…. hmmm.  Just kidding.  I’m wondering though, exactly how much FEMA will be doling out to people and if it will really help them get their homes back.

So I guess, I will say here that I will start following the local government.  I want to know what they are doing for our city.  (Especially, I will be following the Elizabeth Boar of Education.  I know for a fact that they are getting away with a LOT)  I vaguely remember the opening of a public pool and that public walkway that was mentioned; but the sad fact is that I would never bring my kid there because I just don’t feel SAFE here, damnit~!  Well, that’s the number one reason.  I heard about it at the end of the summer so I never went there to check it out, but maybe now in the winter, I’ll pop over there just to check out the physicality of the premises.

Guess I’ll stop here and regroup for a better post.  I’m sure that I’ll keep posting until everything I want to say is out.  So much stuff to talk about.  I think I might not get that opportunity until after the inside noise dies down over here and the little guy is thrown tucked into bed.  He’s my angel, but he’s got more energy than any of us know what to do with.

Halloween & Frankenstorm Sandy

This post will take up a couple of days’ time.  If you want to start reading from the beginning, click here first, and then here second, and then here third.  At this point I was feeling pretty low and could not bring myself to touch the keys.  Essentially, Halloween was postponed until Monday, but Monday nobody was out because it was still dangerous outside and now it gets darker an hour earlier.   Gabe was sad…. sigh.  Be forewarned that my language gets a bit colorful right about now and I start sounding like a spoiled child.  Um….

We wanted to keep things status quo and pulled out the ice cream (seeing as it was melting in our freezer and all) with all the extras, caramel topping, Reddi Whip and whatever else, like sprinkles.

10/31/2012, 12:08pm… I’m so pissed right now.  There are no teams out there working on anything. There is power right around the corner from us, but not us and that is SO freaking frustrating.  I concede that there is a senior citizen building around there, so I’m glad that they do have power.  Did I say that I am pissed?  We live on a dead end street and we are always the last block to get anything done, as evidenced every year when we need our street, filled with snow, plowed and sometimes we NEVER get plowed and have to wait for the sun to melt the snow that’s been iced over at night when the temps plummet.  Just had our last meal from our fridge, and not sure what we’ll do tomorrow.  Getting ready for the hour wait out the door at the local Burger King!  Even then, they might not have power.  Good coffee there, at least.  It’s freezing right now and no heat forthcoming any time soon.  So grateful for my CPH and the Noro fingerless arm warmers gifted to me by my friend, Dee…. Thanks, Dee~!

With no power comes anarchy in the streets.  Every driver out there is driving like a maniac let loose from the mental institution.   No traffic lights and these cars do not stop for anything, LEAST of all pedestrians.  (Let it be known that there have been two car accidents and two pedestrians that were hit by cars at intersections without traffic lights.)  Tried to check on some friends in the neighborhood, but failed on both counts.  One didn’t answer her door, but last I heard she was ok; and the other lives in an apartment building and I did  not foresee that I would not be able to ring the bell or get inside without electric.  (Both women fared pretty well.  Both got their power back quickly, but then one woman lost it again and just got it back last night.)… 12:29pm, ipad 32%.

This is a tree around the corner from us I snapped when I went out to check on friends.

11/02/2012, 10:36am… It’s been a while and it’s been very frustrating.  Still have no power, but our Mayor B. has announced that Elizabeth should have power back on by the end of today… or so I’ve heard that his facebook page has announced.  I am now at our library, charging up my ipad and writing this.  Oh so much to write about yet so overwhelming to think about.  I did take a really long hot shower yesterday and it was my only comfort.  The hotness of it relaxed me and eased my arm up a bit, albeit temporary.  I’ve been listening to radio station NJ101.5.  I listen because it’s a Jersey station.  Why would I want to know about NY?  I’ve not heard Elizabeth mentioned anywhere on the radio and it makes me feel like an orphan.  I’m not going to shout out that we got hit hard, too.  I think it’s a given, at least in this state, that we ALL got hit hard.  What I can’t stand about this station, however, is how every other word out of the DJ’s mouth are the name and call letters of the station… Very freaking annoying.  They’ve been asking what is the first thing you’ll reach for when the power goes back on.  As soon as I get power back, I am reaching for the internet, if only to listen to Gov. Christie’s speech from last night.  I caught only some of it on the radio yesterday and I really want to hear the whole thing.  I really never liked how he treated the teachers, but I have always thought he is exactly what we need in this state.  Now, more than ever, I think he is who this country needs to be president.  We might not like his tactics, but he has done an amazing, amazing job so far getting us through this crisis.  Thank you, Gov. Christie.

Shout out to NJ101.5:  First, I want to say that you guys were my lifeline.  Peeps, click on their link for pics of the storms.  I listened to you the whole time, from the beginning of this ordeal…. however… I am in the camp of those who are REALLY frustrated because we’ve not seen anyone out there working in our neighborhoods on the power.  Nada.  Yeah, yeah, we should feel blessed that we are ok and have a roof over our heads (and I do) but I’m sick and tired of getting snowed by PSE&G.  My neighbor called them and they told her that “she HAS power.” Really?  WTF?  Do you think your customers are lying? (For the record, the management over there has lied about their progress all throughout this thing.  I am feeling sorry for their workers, out in the field giving it their all to get the power back on in this state.  Also, tree-workers and linemen have been coming in from out of state, thousands of them, to help out.)  Got me so mad to hear the management give us the biggest snow job since last year’s total snowfall.  NJ101.5, I don’t want to hear you trying to smooth things over for your listeners because your station got back it’s power, like 3 days ago.  Like Christie said, the numbers, the progress, while good to know is happening, means little to those still without power, freezing in their homes.

It was actually a little comforting to know that our landlord also has no power.  I’m bad, I know.  No, I do not wish him ill, but I can’t stop thinking about the division of class in this city.  I believe that for the poorer sections of Elizabeth, it’s way more critical for them to get their power back, and get their lives back together.  The rich have options.  The poor do not.  Those more well off, have the option of going to a hotel, leave the area altogether, go to a summer house, or just plain go for a ride to kill time.  The poor have to remain where they are and once the food gets thrown out, which would have been done yesterday, they need to walk to God knows where to get enough food for just one day.  Thank God it’s not the middle of summer.  I sat vigil last night, waiting for the lights to go on.  I was literally, looking at the ceiling, “willing” them to go on.  Well, that goes to show you the condition of my willpower.  Yes, I felt sort of safe, but there was a bit of insecurity and uncertainty, as well.  (I heard men at our local Dunkin Donuts, a place I don’t go to regularly because of the kind of people that hang out there, not to mention spotting gang bandanas.  I was seriously afraid to whip out my iPad in the free wifi there because I heard cynical, cussing-every-other-word men talking about the rich “whites” and the poor “blacks” of this city, and that they knew “exactly” who had their power back with the insinuation that it was the whites; and they, the blacks, did not have theirs.  Little did these guys know, that I, a white, is essentially one of them, being without power for just as long as they were.  The night before the power got back on, I was terrified that looters were in my alleyway.  The neighbors were not home and there were flashlights being waved back and forth.  Just got me scared.)

Yeah, so yesterday we had to get rid of all the spoiled food.  That was sad, but at least now we have a reason to do one big shop to replace everything we lost.. AND a great opportunity to really clean the fridge without having to juggle around the food. All schools have been closed the whole week and Saturday, we will learn whether they will open on Monday.  The little guy has been doing okay… and CCD is still on for tomorrow as the church’s school has some power back.  I did get out to a different town to get some stew meat.  I’ve been really craving stew lately and the chilly temps pushed me over the edge.  Made a great stew and slurped up every bit of it’s hot, soupy goodness.  Ed enjoyed it, as well, which is probably showing that he’s becoming desperate because he never has seconds.  The boy refused the stew and had one bowl of vegetable alphabet soup and one stalk of celery.  He certainly does NOT know what he’s missed!

Yesterday, I stopped by my friend Kims’ house.  I’ve been trying to check on people in the area.  So, she had just gotten her power back (for good) at 8:00am.  I had a cup of coffee by her and some much needed conversation and sense of normalcy.  That meant so much and really helped me forget.  Thanks, Kim~!  We are definitely coming by your house on Belated Halloween Day.  It was great to see all your decorations! (which, btw, we missed because still being without power sort of clouded my sense of time.)

Yesterday was also the first day that I could make phone calls from my cell phone.  I had service all throughout, but could only send text messages to people to let them know we were okay.  So, everyone is okay.  My brother has power, my sister will not get power back for 28 days, they told her, and my dad has no power but is running a generator.  Also, my nephew in Philadelphia has offered us to come for the weekend if we still don’t have power.  I love my nephew and his new wife.  They are just made for each other and it’s wonderfully heartening to see them together or hear them talk of one another (kissy, kissy!)…. 1:11pm

2:53pm… Was only able to charge the ipad to 56% and somehow when I opened this up, it was down into the forties…. sheesh, what made that happen?  Well, I hear that Kenilworth has gotten most of their power back, but we are STILL without it.  After leaving the library, we went to get something to eat.  For a brief moment, we enjoyed feeling a little bit normal.  When we got to the intersection around the block from us and saw that the traffic light was still out, I knew we didn’t have any juice either.  When we walked in the house and saw that the clock light was still out on the oven, my heart sank lower than I’ve ever felt it go.  The feeling of being abandoned is unshakable.  I’m on the brink of tears.  Bollawage sucks big time!  His only redemption is that he opposes the Board of Education in this city (That group is beyond corrupted.  I’m happy with our mayor now that our power is back on… Sorry, guy.  This is what I was feeling at the time and I remain faithful to that to maintain the integrity of the story.)  At least the kids have CCD instruction tomorrow.  It will be good for them.  There is a special Mass being said for the sick, but the planned reception afterwards, however, has been cancelled.  I need to attend on account of my arm and spirit.

Save the Olives~!

One thing that is positive is that my olives are okay.  Good thing, too, as there is more than $50.00 worth of  homemade Italian olives cooking in my fridge.  The preservation of them is not dependent upon low temps.  The only reason they’re in the fridge is so that the olive oil solidifies, keeping out bacteria and what not.  I didn’t spend $50.00 all at once… It took me three weeks to buy up almost all of what the neighborhood store had and then more for my sister and her efforts; and not to mention the pickles I made with the brine of the delicious garlic dill ones I polished off by McClure’s Pickles, purchased at Kings.  Those pickles are AMAZING and well worth the wait as they make them fresh for you, each time.  Well, taking a break to entertain the boy.  Hopefully when I get back here, I can make a happy paragraph or two or three, and you know what would make that happen…. 3:11pm

6:55pm… Elizabeth, NJ… Still no power.  Very frustrating since the mayor promised that the power would go on today.  Yeah, still early evening, but I don’t have much faith that anything will happen soon.  We have a quarter of a tank of gas in our car, and lines for gas are crazy every single day.  Being able to write here, at this time, is a life saver.

I’ve got to note an observation I’ve made this past week, yes, this was day 5.  I’ve been listening to NJ radio and listening to people’s stories.  Gotta give South Jersey a lot of credit.  They are getting out there and helping people in whatever ways they can.  Nothing like that going on up here, except for a house we passed in Westfield today with a sign that read “Charge your cell phone FREE” and that was really nice to see.  But in South Jersey, people are opening up their homes to families, feeding the linemen working in their area, donating food, clothing to people who are dispensing them, etc.  A woman who works a concession stand at some sports field down there is opening it up to feed people from breakfast for as long as she can keep it going.  She stocked up from Costco from her own resources and also asked for food donations and clothing.  Nothing on the radio going on in mid to northern NJ.  I can’t even volunteer anywhere unless it’s in my immediate area because I don’t have enough gas to get myself around.  Sigh.  I’m still staring at the ceiling, hoping the lights will surprise me and come back on.

Let’s get frivolous.  Throughout the whole week, I did not have the urge to redo my nails.  Last week’s polish held up really, well.  Today that changed and I got the urge when it started getting dark out.  Needless to say, it’s not a neat job at all.

You know, I would have been able to handle this better psychologically, if we had more sunny days.  You know, bright, warm sunlight to make you feel better, but NO.  It’s been dark, dreary and cold with only a few hours of sun peeking through the dense clouds, teasing this end of the country.  (at this point, I realize that I lost more notes as I have been ending a session with the time and here the content was cut off in mid sentence, so I will end this here, but not sure of the time.)

My lovely family trying to play with a Leapfrog “laptop” in the dark. Gotta give them an “A” for effort.

Who Turned on That LIGHT?

We got our power back last night at approximately 7:36pm, or thereabouts.  It was like Christmas morning and everything just lit UP.  I’m thinking of all the things that need to be done in the house.  Laundry, changing bed sheets, restocking the fridge, cleaning the bathroom again because apparently you can’t aim accurately in the dark or low light.  A brief recap of yesterday’s events…..

A couple of neighbors and I decided to start calling the mayor.  Our landlord also called and our mayor actually called back two but not me.  He must’ve seen what I was writing on his facebook page.  I am certainly not a resident of Whoville.  I’ll call myself a “Venter” and it makes me feel better, or like I’m actually doing something constructive.  Our mayor says that he doesn’t have power, but I can guess that he’s got a generator and plenty of employees to stand in the gas line for him.  I’m not trying to diss the mayor because I really don’t know him.  One thing I don’t like is that he’s not really acknowledging that we have a gang problem in this city and that scares me… a LOT.  He’s been in office for twenty years and recently, he’s not had any competition on election day and that doesn’t feel right to me in a democratic society.  I did attend an opening for a walkway that was just completed in the downtown area and he spoke, but then left for a funeral.  Afterwards, I wanted to get information about the walkway, where it led, etc., but nobody there was approachable by the general public.  I’ve not been walking there yet, but maybe this weekend since it’s supposed to be in the sixties, right after this brutal nor’easter that barreled through here last night.

Anyway, coming back to last night.  After we got home from school, around 4:00pm, we heard that there were workers going to the site we thought was our power problem.  Ooh, good news.  Then, in the early evening our 3 hardwired-t0-the-house smoke alarms started going off and we had to pull the circuit breaker to make them stop.  That was right around the time I started to notice that the houses in back of us looked like they had power.  My heart quickened, but I was thinking that I wanted MY power.  Then I got a call later on from my neighbor who said that another neighbor saw lights way up the street, around the corner, coming on.  Still more good news.  About 7:30pm or so, DH and I were tried to get warm in bed and all of a sudden he said, “Is that the refrigerator?”  I looked up, and praise God, it was on because I left it open while the power was out.  You never seen two middle aged people jump out of bed so fast!  Called my neighbor and woo hoo!, she had power, too.  I turned the thermostat up into the seventies to just try to get it on to warm up the place.  Next thing that came on was the TV as it was on when the power cut out over TEN days before.  DH turned on his computer right away.  So the answer to that most asked question this past two weeks, “What is the first thing you’ll reach for when the power comes on,” is for me, the ceiling light pull string, and for DH it was the computer.

So first, I want to thank Mayor Chris Bollwage for whatever he did to get our power back on.  After all that time, I seriously doubt that it just came on by itself.  What I have to say is that this is, as least, one positive thing I can say that I know about you.  A few people related to me that you had no power, as well.  Please know that I am not a particularly political person and try to avoid politics as much as possible.  I’m just a regular person and have no illusions that the average Joe has a say in government.  If anything, its a very small slight suggestion…. but thank you, for whatever you did, from the bottom of my heart.

Secondly, I have been really impressed by our Governor Chris Christie with how he handled this crisis and is still handling it after Sandy and after this freak nor’easter.  We really needed him this time and he got the job done.  He was the calm in the face of the storm.  Not a lot of people like his no nonsense approach, and nobody likes to have our services cut, but in this time of dire need, he was EXACTLY what we needed.  The gas rationing is working like a dream in my area.  Thank you so much, Gov. Christie~!

Okay.  So, I’ve been trying to write down my thoughts every day of this power outage, and I did actually take some pictures.  I’m going to post what I can in multiple posts.  I lost the second major one and was so upset that I just had to let it go and not even try to remember and rewrite it.  After that there is a lot of anger and venting.  While I’ll let the flavor of that stand, I have to really clean up the curse words.  So, the excerpt below is from the first hour or so after the storm started:


Frankenstorm Sandy 10/29/2012… 4:37pm

We are basically cut off right now. The power went out early, 10/29/2012, at approximately 3:05pm. It is now 4:37pm and I’m going crazy with my little guy’s urgency that he’s already bored. Sigh. Anyway, we have all the window blinds open to maximize on light. I’m watching and listening to the turbulence outside. I’m watching the trees sway back and forth like two old friends hanging onto each other in a hurricane. Um… yuh. Yes, they are old trees and I’m wondering if they will survive the night and tomorrow. I’m wondering if they fall, whether it will be on my car which is parked right underneath of, and to the side of. Our tree (the other is our neighbors’), is a maple, always the last to show it’s colors in the fall. Right now her colors are still a dark green and she’s fighting to hold onto each and every leaf on her head. Her lowest of arms reaches out in a straight horizontal line, almost all the way to the fence. That arm has within it, the swing that our neighbor’s little girl has used almost since her birth and still uses, almost nine years later. There seems to be a sanctity there, very special memories are held there. I remember watching her on that swing, all throughout, from my window just opposite. It brings a warmth to my heart. I hate to think of losing that tree, but despite all the theatrics, she seems safe at present. HA… I’m envisioning the tree limb right in front of me to come smacking through my window, but there’s really no danger of that right now.

My arm is killing me. I cannot go without talking about it and God knows DH is tired of hearing about it. Beginning of October I got a flu shot at the pharmacy and wouldn’t you know it, he clipped my nerve and now, almost a month later, I’m still in a lot of pain but some days it’s almost fine, like yesterday and the day before. I was thinking that finally when I was ready to go to the doctors about it, it was getting better. I was doing stuff yesterday that I haven’t been able to do in a month and that just refers to range of motion. If I hold my arm into my body, I am fine and there is strength there to do stuff, but if I go to raise it, PAIN. I mean, I can’t bring it around to the back, or even to pull the covers up at night or put on my bra, or pick up my pants, or secure my seat belt. I am going braless, which is pretty cool and you know I don’t need an excuse, really; and when I do need one, DH is happy to help with that. Ugh… I’m trying really hard to not screw up a decent post with my ailments, but as long as I started just want to say that I have been to the doctors, and he is letting it go another week or so and if it doesn’t get better, I will need “testing” to be done.

Just now spent a little time learning more about Open Office. I love this program, but for the longest time I was wondering how or IF I could work in overwrite mode and I just discovered it by accident. Thanks Frankenstorm! Getting darker now and the drake just broke down and gave the boy his nook after said boy skulked about the house in his boredom… a few minutes seems like forever. I simply refuse to hand over my ipad which was only 50% or so charged…. AFTER he played all the charge out of it the first time. As a matter of fact, my laptop is currently at 76% and fading even after I set all the energy saving settings. So instead of sitting here trying to convey my BOREDOM in a witty way tonight, I’ll just come back later or tomorrow. I’m off to each some cheddar cheese and crackers…. yumo!….. 5:31pm

Big gap here. Lost a file in the WordPress app.  Apparently, this app doesn’t automatically save posts on the ipad like Pages does.

Tomorrow:  When I went outside for the first time….

Summer’s Eve Night

I am sitting here at 1:43am of the last day of school. So much I am trying to remember to do tomorrow before picking him up for the last time this school year. So, restless me got out of bed to prowl the perimeter. Just finished making up my to do list and thought I’d be sitting in relatively calm quiet. Well, my neck is strained from looking down at this iPad and it’s not quiet at all. The birds are out there singing away like its morning…. Quiet pleez! Definitely not used to this although it’s been going on since spring started.

Better get to bed before DH stirs… He hates to admit it, but I know that he misses me… Or maybe just his body does. Whenever he notices I’m gone out of bed, he always gets up and goes to the bathroom or goes for a tums. So romantic! In truth, he can’t stay asleep for long without me being there.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find
it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see
that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”~KG

Kahlil Gibran, that is.

Little Things Make Me Happy….

…. No, really!

I’m going to get a bit shallow here.  No matter how much of a good, caring, giving, thoughtful, unselfish person we might fancy ourselves to be, there is always a part of us that is vain or snobbish about something in our lives.  For me, that would be face, hair, nails; which is pretty ironic since I hardly ever primp over my appearance and that pic of me to the right was pretty much a fluke.  It was snapped in an effort to capture a moment in my history, which was one of the very few times in my life that I had my hair willingly cut above the shoulders.  When I do put makeup on, I pay careful attention to it’s application.  I fancy myself the accomplished artist using the tools of the trade to enhance my familiar feminine features into a composition of beauty; and even as I do, realize that the beauty part of it has long since vanished into the magical mist of the times past.


So, today I’m going to ramble on and on about nails.  More because this is quite a big thing for me… having polishable nails, that is.

All my life, I’ve been a compulsive nail and skin-around-the-nail biter (thank goodness no pics).  My mom, and later myself, tried all sorts of products, but nothing worked and that pepper stuff was nothing to bite through once I got used to the taste.  So for fifty years, the notion of having nice (and forget about long) nails totally eluded my consciousness.  Oh, I was licensed at one time as a manicurist and trained in the art of applying different types of acrylic nails, but I could never, ever grow my own.  For about  three years I maintained the fake stuff, but gave it up because it’s really not healthy for the nail, itself.  All the “buffing” is really doing is filing away your own nail, actually making it weaker and weaker.  When you first apply acrylic nails, they can stay on for up to three weeks, but then with each successive re-gluing and maintenance, they stay on for shorter and shorter periods of time.  What’s really bad is that when the nail lifts up, a gap is formed where moisture gets in, and if left unattended to, green mold and fungus can grow in there and really mess up your nails.  Nah.  I can’t even bring myself to start a business around it now.  I can’t seem to get myself to promote something that can really mess up a person’s nails, no matter how much I need the money.  Seems silly because no matter what you tell people, they will still want to pay a LOT of money to do this to their nails.  Maybe some day I’ll get over my scruples and start something up.

So, I am almost halfway through my fiftieth year and quite unexpectedly my nails have decided to make their presence known.  Wow.  Despite my above lecture on the evils of acrylic nails, sometimes for an occasion, I’ll give myself a quick nail job.  The easiest and cheapest method is to just go and buy the kit that has whole nail pieces.  You simply measure up nails for each finger, file down to customize, glue into place and you’re all set. Well, I put on a set for our trip to Florida this past August.  We were there a week and I had perfect nails… I was loath to have my FL SIL see my non nailed fingers.  I mean, they were freakishly abnormal, so I faked it.  After our visit, I just let the nails come off by themselves.  A weird thing happened, though.  They just started growing!  Wow!  I have no idea where this will go, but so far, we are here:

Fifty years in the making...

I’m tickled blue!

Which brings me to my love affair with $1.99 nail polish and Midnight Blue #105.  Ho HO~!  Since September I’ve been purchasing a color here and there of Sinful Colors nail polish from my local Walgreen’s.  (pic below)  Notice my color choices are ummm a wee bit unconventional.  Thanks to my knitting buddy, Hillary, who has inspired my old self to wear beautiful, yet non-traditional colors out in the open.  She wears blue on her nails quite a bit and has blue in her hair… Loverly!

Old polish that still looks pretty good.

New polish purchased between August and today.









My fear is that one day, hopefully not soon, one of my new nails will break and then, as is inevitable, all the others will either break away in grief or I’ll bite all of them down again succumbing to my anal compulsions.  It’s happened before. One gets a little chip or break, then I put it into my mouth to juuust even it out, then before you know it, bitten down to the quick and almost simultaneously, the remaining nine follow suit and I’m back where I started.  I’m not going to attempt a deeper probe into my psyche in a bid to analyze the reasoning behind this.

Okay, so I feel that I’ve said enough and have succeeded in sealing the fate of my already shaky reputation, so I’ll stop it here and spare anyone who has managed to get this far. In consolation I offer up the promise of another post coming soon.  I’ve been trying to write down my ideas as they come and one did present itself just yesterday.  I recently won a contest and received my prize and will share more tomorrow…..


“Because You’re Worth It”~NOT

This is a bit of a vent and not sure who will see this, but here I go.  The Drake has worked for this company, played by the rules, THEIR RULES, and they might still screw him over. He’s been there for 30+ years, a real company man, working in their factory, amidst safety violations, ignorant, arrogant management, but he plodded along using his experience and being safety minded.  Everyone knows that when the Fire Department inspects the place, it’s a set up.  How do I know?  Because before the F.D. gets there, everyone is made to clean up the place…. yes, I know I’m not getting to the meat of it. I need to give background.  Think of management asking you to NOT following the rules, to NOT follow procedure just to get product made faster.  Like any other time you are cooking a good brew, you need to follow a recipe.  It’s no different for making shampoos, conditioner, and hair dye.  I don’t even want to tell you want goes into this stuff.

Remember when you conducted your own chemistry experiments?  Mine was bleach and ammonia.  Remember what happens?  Toxic, burning fumes, smoke, and the inevitable running out of the bathroom because your lungs were burning…. yeah, that was me… every time.   Fast forward and think that the factory workers know of this wonderful cause and effect magic.  Think of management who doesn’t have a clue.  Further, they want you to mix bleach and ammonia because it will cut out a few steps and the product will get made faster.  Forget about the fact that it will burn off the consumer’s hair and burn off skin from her scalp.  I can hear the little man giving sound warning and describing just what will happen if they do that; and I can also hear cartoonish management scoffing at those warnings and coming down hard on the person who will not follow their instructions.  Imagine the gestapo cutting down anyone who gets in the way….. LOL… yes, a bit colorful, and just a little bit dramatic, but this kind of stuff happens all the time.  You have young upstarts, just out of college who want to make their mark.  They will do anything to get noticed so that they can climb a little further up the corporate ladder.  I’ve heard of someone who was well liked by all, advanced, then people heard that he changed production numbers to make himself look good.  He was no longer a supervisor by that time, and was in higher management.  What were they going to do?  Nothing.  The guy who took over his position got canned because his numbers, the real numbers were significantly lower than the ones that were, shall we say, tweaked.  WTF?

So, getting back to the reason for my post.  The Drake’s employer announced that they were going to lay off about 20 FACTORY people, UNION people, BTW, the union sucks.  They decided to offer a buy out package to anyone within retirement range.  The Drake was also offered the package. We thought about it, and he decided to take it.  They just announced that 19 people took the package and so now they were not going to lay off anyone.  Yesterday, he comes home to say that the company made another announcement.  They are going to “temporarily” lay off everyone in the factory for a week.  According to the union contract they are supposed to give a good notice for “shutting down” the factory for whatever time. In fact, they used to annually shut down the factory in July for years. Now, all of a sudden they will “Lay off” people, except, of course, when people are laid off, they lose their benefits, um, what’s wrong with this picture?  ALSO, they could very well decide that when they bring back people, they will NOT rehire those who took the package. This has gotten me very scared. The Drake should at least call the union to see what they will say about it. At this point, personally, I don’t trust the company OR the union… but it’s his job, not mine.  I can’t go in there like a storm trooper!  I’ve blogged about various things that have been going on over there, but this one really hits home…. OUR home!

More venting might be necessary.

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