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Reflections of the Past


  1. Told I was special, but was always getting hit or yelled at.
  2. Told I could do anything, yet not allowed to experience anything.  Kept on a tight reign.

My Aunt Gerry did her best to encourage me to go to college at every opportunity that presented itself to her, but the environment at home was “no-can-do”.  I also had an impending, almost doom-ish sense of a deadline for going to college before settling down and raising a family.  So what’ was  the point if I was not planning on a career?  I now realize this crazy gender defined role I was to play was ingrained into me… Get married and have kids.  This stereotype was  supported and encouraged by the career events held at school.  Nothing interesting for women at all.  Secretary.  Remember this was the mid ’70’s.  Who would have the time for college with 2.5 kids running around my skirts?  Plus, I was immensely interested in the sciences, but a disaster with any kind of math that was higher than addition or subtraction…. nix that idea.  Chemistry?  Physics?  Seemed like a death sentence at the time because I could not understand any of it, or the memorization required was something I could not accomplish…. Upon graduation from high school, I promptly started working as a file clerk at Metropolitan Life Insurance Co. and stayed there for five years doing the same thing:  filing insurance applications, pulling insurance applications.  What the heck was I thinking?  Nothing apparently.  Absolutely nothing, Nada, zero.  I hadn’t even discovered myself yet and would not for another 15-20 years.  Ahem… I was clearly a late bloomer!  As a side note, Metropolitan did boast that it paid for college tuition, but the courses had to be job related.  WHAT type of courses could I have taken for filing?  Back then it seemed very unlikely that I’d find something compatible with my job, so I did not pursue it.

My mom and I right before my first marriage. Amazingly she knew what the future held for myself and the whole family. We called her the witch because she intuitively knew a great many things.

Get married Have kids.  You have such a pretty face.  When are you going to “settle down?”  I heard this constantly as a young adult and finally, at the ripe old age of 24, I got married. Ha, this idea of “settling” “down” was exactly what I ended up doing.  I ‘settled’ for a man and he was more than a step ‘down’, in my opinion.  Not that I hold myself above him, because we both had a lot of growing to do; but he was someone who was incapable of entertaining an open mind and his personality rebelled against it, in believing he was perfect.  I have not heard from him in the last seven years or so, but I did now and then up until that point.  While he said that he had changed, I have my doubts because in his conversation with me, I could see that he was the same, vindictive person with a superiority complex.  I was married for eight years, was then single for eight years, now I’ve been remarried for almost seven years, come this February.

The second time was the charm.

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What’s the point of these reflections of a time so long gone by that I can hardly remember?  I need to confront my past.  My flaws and failures as well as my qualities and victories.  In understanding my past, I might be able to provide insight to my son for his own issues; which of course, is dependent upon him asking me things.  I believe that in becoming more comfortable with myself through reliving and analyzing my past history, I will project an approachability to my son (or anyone).

Tangent?


I’m thinking the only way to avoid going off into tangent after tangent is to write a post about tangents… or do I actually have to travel that tangent path for it to be legit.

OK… I want everyone to know that I’m on the east coast and have only 28 minutes until midnight to get this post published to satisfy the post-a-day challenge.  I had a great idea this afternoon, but had to abandon it to pick up my son from school.  After that, well, there was homework, dinner, snuggles, then his regular bedtime.  Today was out of the norm because it actually got cold here after dinner and I, myself, needed the warmth of my blanket, so we both fell asleep.  I woke up about half an hour later, grabbed his blankets from the closet and easily managed to get him out of one bed and into his own bed.  He loves to “camp out” either on the floor in a sleeping bag or his parents bed (though that hasn’t happened in over a year).

We all shared a family bed for a few years after he out grew his crib.  I forgot exactly why he needed to sleep with us, but my hubby and I seriously did not mind him being there.  I actually loved having him with us and God bless my husband for actually liking it, too; but when he grew big enough to start kicking US out of his way, we knew that he had to go.  It took a while, but he’s successfully in his bed now.  Oh, I do let him in our bed when he’s sick during the day.  I remember as a kid, myself, looking to take over my parent’s bed at the first sign of a temperature.

So, wow, two decent paragraphs at 11:53pm.  Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have a decent, well thought out post.  Oh, I just realized that this whole post is sort of a tangent because I have changed the title two times and it still doesn’t adequately describe what I’m writing about.

So, back to my question.  Is it a tangent if the subject of the post is a tangent, AND I stay on track?

11:58pm

God Bless Bedtime…


This is how I feel, totally exhausted.

My body is craving bedtime right about now.  Not mine, my six year old’s bedtime.  As soon as he’s into bed, it’s a balm to my being.  This just about sums it up for me right about now.  However the day was the best.  Spent it with my little man who is still calling me by name every two seconds though I’m standing right there, in front of him.  Sometimes he even forgets what he wants to say because he caught in a loop.

Anyway, last week he was all over me, wanting to get a pumpkin.  Today the day was perfect for browsing pumpkins… what can I say.  It totally threw him off, though.  (This is something I’ve got to learn NOT to do)  Last week I told him that it was too early to get a pumpkin and that we needed to wait.  Today, the weather combined with the higher prices of pumpkins this year, I was afraid that if we waited longer, I wouldn’t be able to afford one…. sniff.  So the kid made a million and one excuses as to why we shouldn’t go.

I love going to farms and nurseries, browsing for plants, flowers, produce.  I could just hang for at least an hour.  As luck would have it, however, my son made a bee line for the pumpkins and immediately pointed out that they were a “maze”.  He’s hooked on that word lately.  I guess because it’s more of a Harvest Time word and the most appropriate now.  Yesterday he made it a point to show me he could spell it.  Wow?  You learned that in school?  He didn’t answer that question, though he proceeded to tell me all the words that rhyme with “maze”.  I was tickled because I was so tempted to ask him if he meant “maize” or “maze”…. but I didn’t want to spoil the moment.

I’m so proud of my little bugger.  He’s in 1st grade and at parent night, I was informed by his teacher that the kids will be expected to be writing paragraphs by the end of the year.  Oh boy.  I guess I had my mission papers handed to me.  Should be interesting since my boy rarely stays focused on one thing beyond the first sentence.  Still, he amazes me every day.

Getting back to our pumpkins… He picked out one and I picked out one.  Two small ones, but I’m hoping that later on in the month I’ll be able to get another.  One that can be seen by, well, the people across the street.  Will be difficult because I can’t see myself paying more than $6-7.00 for one and that’s pushing it.  Seems to me that they’re charging around a $1.00 per inch in diameter, so pretty sure I won’t be able to score one in the $2-3.00 range.  Now our two smallish pumpkins are waiting to be transformed into Jack-O-Lanterns…..

Our Jack-O-Lantern from last year, well, not really. We used one of those kits for kids.

I’m wondering how many words this post-a-day challenge should be.

I’m Taking the Challenge


I got this email today.  I’m sure you know the one.  The “write a post a day” challenge.  I’m taking up the gauntlet.  Don’t expect much from me, though.  Please DO check back, and frequently!  We bloggers live for our stats and I’m a little gaunt in that department at the moment.  I have absolutely no idea what I’ll be writing about but I do want to at least write a blurb every single day.  The problem with my little blurbs and notes is that they grow and grow and grow… into big blobs of tangents.  Be prepared.  Be very prepared.

Where shall I start?  The scandal going on at my local Board of Ed?  A scathing product review?  A long, long post about my cute kid?  An even longer post about my blown up ambitions for this blog?  Nah.  Hey.  My hubby’s name is Ed.  I love that ad for Education that reads:  “Where’s Ed?”  I have one of those BIG circle ads on my refrigerator.  Very apropos because half the time I can’t find him and have zero chance of getting in touch with him because he refused to carry a cell phone, and when I did manage to convince him of getting one, AND carrying it, he refuses to turn it on… AND, wait for it……  He has not set up his mailbox because he hates voicemail.   Hello?  Helloooooo?  Nobody home.   Gotta really love a guy  like that, and I do.

Usually I write about stuff that really affects me.  I get so motivated to write that you cannot tear me away from my thoughts and computer screen.  Other times, total writers block… zero ideas, zero motivation.  I might just try that NaNoWriMo challenge of writing 1667 words a day for the month of November.  The whole idea is to just write and write and write, without obsessive editing.  Should be interesting.

Still interested/curious about what I’ll write about?

Be prepared.  Be very prepared.

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